


Hiki and Howl

by Nina_Hikari



Series: Hiki and Howl [1]
Category: Hiki & Howl
Genre: Cute, Fluff, Gay, Humor, LGBTQ, M/M, NSFW, Past Child Abuse, Romance, Slice of Life, Yakuza, male x male
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-17
Updated: 2021-03-09
Packaged: 2021-03-15 11:48:56
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 33,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28812951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nina_Hikari/pseuds/Nina_Hikari
Summary: Hiki grew up in a strict Yakuza family with a harsh father and an abusive mother. After a traumatizing event, he lost all hope to ever find true happiness. Until, one day, a stranger came into his life and turned everything upside down.
Series: Hiki and Howl [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2112432
Comments: 2
Kudos: 6





	1. Fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you for reading! If you're read this before, DO IT AGAIN! ^^  
> This is a reboot and I've changed quite a lot. I hope you'll enjoy!

"Hello, I'm here to meet Ueda-san. I have an appointment."  
A blond man in a black Audi Q7 sat waiting in front of a big iron gate. It took a moment after he had answered the intercom before the gate began to slowly open.  
"Follow the road until you reach the main building," a deep voice told him.  
The man did as he was told, following a graveled path for about five minutes until he arrived at a plaza stationed in front of a grand mansion. The mansion's architecture displayed a distinguished amalgamation of traditional Japanese charm and modern flair. He parked his car, got out, and adjusted his suit and tie before pushing up his glasses and walking to the entrance door. Giving no thought to hesitation, he rang the doorbell to which a buff, bald, gorilla of a man in a black designer suit answered.  
"Follow me," the man ordered, so he entered the house. They walked through the entrance hall and followed a long hallway, passing several doors before they finally reached their destination. The gorilla opened the door and gestured for him to walk inside. "Wait here," he growled. Doing as he was told he sat down on a black leather sofa, where he soon found himself alone.   
The room was bright and big, but the interior was quite spartan. Next to the sofa was a chair and a coffee table. On the wall to the right was a cupboard with an expensive-looking vase and a framed picture on it. Through the large glass door right across from him, he had a good view of the big, well-kept garden, which looked more like a park sizewise.   
Driven by curiosity, Howl got up to take a closer look at the picture on the cupboard.   
“Oh, a family portrait,” he mumbled to himself.   
The parents were sitting on two wooden chairs in the middle surrounded by five kids. The mother looked completely indifferent, and the father had a threatening aura. He knew that man’s face from the newspapers. It was the person he had an appointment with, and he wondered if the rumors were true. _Are they really yakuza? Well, they sure look like it_ , Howl thought as he looked at the family in their expensive-looking, traditional yukata. Out of their five children, only two were smiling. One of them a teenage boy. He stood behind two smaller boys that looked close in age, his hands placed on their shoulders. He guessed the smaller boys, who were holding hands, were around ten. The bigger of the two was smiling as well, while the other looked shy, almost intimidated, but very cute. There was also a teenage girl that looked like she was pouting, and another boy that looked slightly older than her, with the same earnest expression as his father. Such a big family, but aside from those three boys in the corner, there was no feeling of happiness or wholesomeness whatsoever.   
Suddenly the door opened. Someone entered the room and Howl turned around.  
"Oh, there's someone in here, I'm sorry for disturbing!" A young man with long, rose blonde hair tied up in a ponytail, bowed. "I-I wanted to take a shortcut to the garden." He pointed at the glass door. "I assume you're waiting for my father…"  
"Yes, I am. My name is Harada Howl, nice to meet you," Howl answered.  
"N-Nice to meet you, I'm Ueda Hikaru," the boy replied politely but shy.  
 _Woah, he's cute_ , Howl thought instantly and suddenly realized… "You look like one of the boys in this portrait. Is this you?" He pointed at the smallest boy who looked intimidated.   
"Oh, yeah. That's me. Um, your name… It's quite unusual..." He changed the subject, but then he suddenly bowed. “I’m sorry, that was rude of me. I didn’t mean to be so intrusive.”  
"It’s fine, don’t worry. My mother was a big fan of the book 'Howl's Moving Castle' by Diana Wynne Jones, and she was a little extravagant, so she named me and my sister after the main characters." Howl replied as he was used to this kind of conversation. People often asked him about his name, which usually made him feel annoyed at his mother for not giving him a more common one. But weirdly, he wasn’t annoyed by that boy.  
"That's awesome, I immediately thought of that book! That’s why I asked. I love it too, it's one of my favorite stories,” Hikaru exclaimed.  
"You like reading?" Howl asked and pointed at the book the boy was holding.  
Hikaru nodded eagerly. "Yes, I love books. It's like living another life… Good books take you away from reality and let you forget where you are, who you are, and even that you're reading at all..." he replied with glowing cheeks and a spark in his eyes.  
"Your excitement is very refreshing, Ueda-kun," Howl said and smirked.  
"Oh, umm…" Hikaru blushed and looked down, obviously flustered. "C-Can I offer you some tea while you’re waiting? My father's men aren't very hospitable."   
"But weren't you on your way to the garden? I don't want to trouble you," Howl replied.  
"Oh no, I just wanted to go for a walk… I can do that later."  
"Well, in that case, I would love to have a cup of tea, thank you. But only if you join me."  
"Sure! Do you like green tea?" Hikaru asked eagerly.  
"I love green tea," Howl smiled warmly, which made the boy freeze with a surprised expression. Then he blushed and rushed out.   
Howl slumped back down on the sofa. "What the heck… My heart is beating like crazy…" he mumbled to himself. _Is it because of my appointment? No... I’m not the type who gets nervous before meeting a potential client. Then… Is it because of him? I mean… He is really cute,_ Howl thought. _This is a first. Thinking of a guy as cute? Strange... Dammit, I should focus on my appointment, but...  
_   
After a few minutes, Hikaru came back, carrying a black tray with a teapot, a cup, and a plate of cookies on it. He placed it on the coffee table and sat down next to Howl.  
"Here you go, Harada-san," he said as he poured him a cup of the healthy brew. "I made the cookies myself, I hope they’re to your liking," Hikaru added nervously. Howl took one of the cookies from the plate and tried it.  
"Ueda-kun, they're delicious! Hands-down the best chocolate chip cookies I've ever had," he praised him.  
"Ha-Harada-san, are you making fun of me?" The boy asked skeptically.  
"Not at all! My father's family runs a chain of sweets shops, so you can trust my verdict," Howl winked. "Maybe you've heard of Harada Sweets before?"  
"Y-Yeah... Um, well, I'll take the compliment then, thank you. I'm very happy that you like them." He looked down shyly and blushed. Howl's heart was throbbing wildly as he was completely bedazzled by this boy's brisk cuteness. He noticed that Hikaru seemed very insecure, but Howl didn't know at the time that it wasn't like him to talk to others so uncoerced. That he usually didn’t speak much at all, but that there was something about Howl that made Hikaru feel comfortable enough to almost forget about his shyness.  
"Ueda-kun, may I ask how old you were in that picture?" Again, Howl pointed at the photograph on the cupboard. "You're the youngest one of the bunch, right?"  
"Oh… I was ten when it was taken. I'm the smallest one, but my brother Hajime, who's standing right next to me, is one year younger than me," he explained. He looked sad and Howl wondered why that was the case.   
“Sorry if my questions make you feel uncomfortable. I’m too nosy.”   
“No, you’re not, it’s fine, really! I just don’t like looking at that picture. It was taken a year before my brother Satoshi passed away. The one who’s standing behind me.”   
Howl looked at the broadly smiling boy in the picture. “I’m sorry, my deepest condolences. That was very insensitive of me...”   
“You couldn’t have known, it’s fine,” the boy replied. “I shouldn’t have mentioned it…” He brushed a strand of hair behind his ear insecurely.   
"So you're 17 now?" Howl changed the topic to hopefully ease up the boy’s tension again.  
"I turned 18 on the twenty-second of April."  
"Oh, that was only three weeks ago… Happy belated birthday!"  
"Th-Thank you." Hikaru blushed.  
"Are you attending University yet?"  
"I'm going to attend T-Uni starting September. Since my birthday is after the start of the spring semester, I decided to begin in September."  
"T-Uni? That's funny, because…" Howl started, but suddenly the door opened and the gorilla entered the room.  
"Ueda-dono wants to see you now. Follow me," he said. “Hikaru-sama, you shouldn’t be here,” he added growling after he noticed the boy.   
“I’m sorry, Kitamura-san. I’ll clean up and leave.”   
The gorilla nodded and left. Hikaru got up and bowed to Howl. “It was nice talking to you. Um… Sorry, if I bothered you, though.”   
Howl started panicking internally, he wanted to talk to that boy more! He got up and frantically rummaged around in his pocket, pulled out a flat silver box, opened it, and took out one of the business cards that were inside.  
"Ueda-kun, I would like to meet you again to continue our conversation. I really enjoyed talking to you. Please call me or send me an email, okay?" The stern expression on Howl’s face as he formally offered him the card with both hands startled Hikaru. He hesitated for a moment and looked at the card without saying anything. It read:  
 _'Harada Howl - Founder and CEO of Castle Tech - IT and Smart Home Security'._   
The people that usually came to their house weren't exactly of the upright kind, and it could have been a dummy company, but Hikaru didn't want to be rude to the man, since he had been kind to him. So he took the card and Howl’s earnest expression turned into a relieved smile.   
“Hey, what’re you waiting for, follow me,” Kitamura barked at him as he reentered the room.   
They quickly said their goodbyes and Howl left. Hikaru sighed and put the card into his jeans pocket. _What a strange guy_ , he thought as he cleaned up. _But he liked my cookies…_ He smiled, took the tray, and brought it back to the kitchen before he finally went on his walk.

Hikaru liked the big garden behind the house, especially the part that was the furthest away from the main building. No one ever walked that far, so he had it all to himself and no one who would disturb him. Hikaru preferred sitting underneath his favorite tree over being inside the house. The atmosphere there was always kind of dark and cold and his father often had 'business partners' over, most of whom were unpleasant people. He didn't feel at home there… Or welcomed even.  
As he had reached his little hideout, Hikaru made himself comfortable on the ground between the roots of a big cherry tree and took a deep breath of the warm spring air. Then, he suddenly realized something. "Crap, I forgot my book in the room because of that guy…" He sighed, annoyed at himself. "That guy…" Hikaru leaned back against the tree and looked into the cloudy sky while thinking about that stranger.   
He looked like a foreigner with his blond hair and blue eyes. He was also abnormally tall, at least for Japanese standards. Hiki estimated his size to be around 1,90m. The man’s appearance was quite impressive, not only because of his size. He wore a dark blue suit with a white shirt and a dark blue vest that flattered his blue eyes and the cut underlined his broad shoulders. His expression was stern, which was emphasized by his black, square-shaped glasses. Yet, he was surprisingly friendly. His smile and his deep voice felt comforting. “He liked my cookies,” Hikaru grinned, but then shook his head. "What am I thinking about…?" He clicked his tongue.   
It had been the first time that one of his father's associates was nice to him in a non-creepy way. The clientele normally consisted of other Yakuza Clan leaders or members. Growing up as the son of the head of one of the biggest clans wasn't easy, especially because Hikaru despised violence and weapons. His siblings were better at accepting their lifestyle, but he just wanted to get out of that house as soon as possible.   
“Oh right, he gave me his card…” The boy reached into his jeans pocket and pulled it out. "Harada Howl, huh…" He stared at the card for a moment and wanted to put it back, but then he hesitated. "He was very kind and polite, I should at least thank him for that, right? Yup, definitely. Manners are important," he told himself, took out his phone, and started typing a message.  
[Thank you very much for praising my cookies earlier. Best regards, Ueda Hikaru.]  
He tapped the send button, but then jolted. "Wait! No, that sounds stupid, how do I delete this?!” He panicked, and as he tried to find out how to delete a message on the app he was using, his phone suddenly started buzzing. "Wah!" Startled by that, Hikaru dropped it on the ground and looked at the upwards directed display. “It’s his number! Why is he calling?!" Hikaru's heart was pounding so hard, it felt like it was about to burst through his chest. He reached for the device, but the moment he picked it up, it went silent. "I missed it…" He wasn't sure why, but he felt sad. He sighed in frustration when his phone started buzzing again. "Y-YES?!" He answered so eagerly that he cringed over his own behavior. _What the hell is wrong with me_ , he asked himself.  
"Ueda-kun...? Are you there?"  
"Yes, it's me! I’m here!"  
"Can you talk or are you busy?"  
"It's fine…"   
"What are you doing right now?"  
"I'm still in the garden…" Hikaru leaned back against the tree, happy to hear the man's voice.  
"Isn’t it lonely out there?"  
"I don’t like people, they’re troublesome. Being alone outside in nature is much better." _Did I just say that I don’t like people?! He’ll think I’m a freak_ , Hikaru thought, panicking.  
“Yeah, I don’t like people either, but I have to be social due to my job…”   
Hikaru’s heart throbbed with happiness. “Really...?”   
“To be honest, I’d rather spend my days writing code alone in my office than socialize. Talking to people is straining, but not talking to clients would be kind of bad for my business.”   
“Yeah, probably…” Hikaru smiled broadly as he felt understood in that regard for the first time. “Where are you right now?”   
“I'm in my car on my way home to Tokyo, that’s why I thought I'd call since I can't type and I didn’t want to wait for an hour before answering. Luckily the meeting with your father was over quickly. He knows exactly what he wants, which makes it easy to work with him.”   
"So it went well?"  
"Let’s say, your father is quite a character, but yes, it went well and we’re gonna work for him in the future... Honestly, I've never met someone like him before, and to be blunt, I’m not sure if that’s a bad thing."  
"It sure isn't. So… That means you're not one of them?"  
" _T_ __h_ em _ ? Oh, you mean Yakuza?” Howl asked bluntly.   
“Yeah…”   
_So it is true_ , he thought. “No, I’m not and that's not my usual clientele, but having him as a client will actually be great for our growth, he has a lot of influence... As long as they don't want _me_ to do anything shady, I don’t care what my clients do in private."  
Hikaru felt relieved. "What does your company do?"  
"It's just boring IT stuff, mostly. Among other things, we develop Smart Home Security Systems and such. We're going to set up new IT systems at your father's offices and install a new Home Security system..."   
Howl kept rambling about his line of work for a while and, though Hikaru didn't understand most of the technical terms, he wasn't bored for a single second. He enjoyed hearing Howl talk so passionately about his profession, and couldn't help but smile the whole time.   
"Jeez, I’m babbling, sorry,” Howl interrupted himself at one point. “To continue where we left off earlier, you said you’re going to attend T-Uni in September, right? What faculty?"  
"Education, I want to become a teacher," Hikaru replied.  
"Is that so?"  
"Yeah, my Brother-in-law is a professor and he always talked so passionately about his job, it inspired me."  
"I see. Well, good luck and work hard, Ueda-kun."   
"Th-Thank you, I'll do my best. My grades are quite good and I'm really looking forward to my University life."  
"Are you going to move to Tokyo? It would probably be more convenient than to travel by train every day, right?"  
"I want to, but I wasn't able to find a job there yet, and there are no free dorms currently.”  
"Can't your father pay for your rent?" Howl asked bluntly.  
"Well, he could and he even offered it, but I don't want to rely on his money. It’d make me indebted to him, that’s why I worked hard for my scholarship. I should explain why being independent of him is important… You know, in our world, you’re supposed to take the path your family chooses for you. Basically, you _have_ to work in the family business… My father decides what exactly you’re going to do and his will is our law. But I didn’t want to waste my life doing something I hate, so I made a deal with him that allowed me to take my own path.”   
“A deal?”   
“I had to fulfill certain criteria like getting straight A’s in school, present him a life plan and such, which was fine and somewhat reasonable. But if I depended on his money and did anything he’d be displeased with, he could just go and cut me off financially. I'd be forced to come back here and work for him after all. With a job, I would be able to stay in Tokyo and live my own life no matter what.”   
“So you’re creating your own safety net, huh…”   
“Yup, that’s the plan. Even if it’s a shitty job and I’ll have a tiny, run-down apartment, anything is better than this house. I really have to find a job, I wanna move out as soon as possible. And the commute would be horrible. By train, it’s one and a half hours each way every day..."  
“I’m impressed, Ueda-kun. Your determination to stand on your own two feet at such a young age amazes me.”   
“R-Really?” Hikaru blushed and was glad Howl wasn’t able to see it.   
“Absolutely! You could live a comfortable life, but you’re choosing the hard way. That’s honorable in my opinion.”   
“Th...Thanks…” Hikaru replied flustered. “Wait, wasn’t there something you wanted to say when Kitamura-san interrupted us? I just remembered… You said it’s funny that I’m attending T-Uni, because… And then Kitamura-san came in.”   
“Right, I wanted to say that my sister is a T-Uni alumnus.”   
“Oh really? Right, you mentioned a sister when we talked about your name. You said you’re both named after the main characters in the book, so her name must be Sophie…?”  
"Correct. She's my twin and moved to Hokkaido after graduating. She works as a dojo instructor. She’s incredibly talented when it comes to martial arts."  
" _That_ sounds impressive! But isn’t it tough to live so far apart when you’re twins?"   
“I do miss her, but she’s working for a prestigious dojo and a famous sensei who’s won many awards, she couldn’t say no to that. We talk on the phone often, though. We’re still very close.”   
“Do you have any more siblings?”   
“No, we’re the only family that’s left. Our parents passed away and we only have an aunt who partially raised us. But she lives in the UK… We don’t have a big family like you, unfortunately.”   
“Well, I might have a big family, but I’m not close with all of them. I’m closest with my brother Hacchan.”   
“I’m trying to recall the family portrait… He was…”   
“The one next to me who was holding my hand. He’s very protective over me, even though I’m the older one,” Hikaru smiled lovingly. “We also have a childhood friend, Kaito, who’s my age, and like a brother to me also.”   
“It’s important to have someone you’re close to.”   
“Yeah… Especially if you don’t like people,” Hikaru chuckled, and Howl did as well.   
“That’s true…”   
They continued to have a very long conversation and both didn't realize how much time had passed. Howl had gotten home, had had dinner, but they were still on the phone together.  
"Ah-choo!" Hiki suddenly sneezed, interrupting a heated conversation where they were discussing the latest episode of a drama both of them were watching.  
"Oh, bless you! Wait... Ueda-kun, are you still outside?!"  
"Yeah, I haven’t moved an inch…"  
"Jeez, go inside, it's dark already and the nights are still cold! I hope you won’t get sick..."  
Hikaru smiled, happy that Howl cared about his well being. "I will, sorry." He got up and walked back to the house. When he had reached his room, someone suddenly grabbed his shoulder from behind. Hikaru jolted and almost dropped his phone again. "Wah, what the…? Oh, it’s you… Jeez, you scared me!"   
His younger brother Hajime was standing behind him. He was the complete opposite of Hikaru. Hajime was tall, strong, and had a toned body due to the martial arts he did. Hiki on the other hand was very slender and looked rather frail. Not unhealthily skinny, but also not muscular at all. So naturally, everyone mistook Hajime for the older one.  
"Niichan, there you are! Kai came over to play video games, wanna join us?"  
"Umm no, not today, sorry." Hikaru tried to hide his phone.  
"What're you up to," Hajime asked curiously as he noticed his brother’s weird behavior.  
"Noth-... AH-CHOO!"  
"Eh, are you getting sick again? You should take a hot bath. Want me to-"  
"No, no, it's fine, really! I'll just go to bed, I'm sleepy, goodnight! And say hi to Kai for me." He turned around and hurried to his room, leaving a startled Hajime behind. Hikaru sighed loudly after he shut the door. "Are you still there Harada-san?"  
"I am, are you okay? What happened?"  
"Nothing, just my brother. Where were we?" Hikaru slumped down on his bed and they continued talking for a while longer until the boy started nodding off.

On the next morning, Hikaru woke up with a throbbing head and moaned as he got up. He felt horrible. In addition to his throbbing head, his nose was stuffed, his body hurt and his throat felt sore. “Guess I caught a cold after all,” he said to himself with a husky voice. "Jeez, and I fell asleep with my clothes on… Wait! Did we even hang up last night? Oh no..." Hikaru realized that he must have fallen asleep while Howl was still on the phone. His feverish cheeks became even redder. "How embarrassing!" He coughed and took his phone. “A message!” He opened it and read:  
[Ueda-kun, I hope you're okay. I'm sorry, but I hung up the phone after you fell asleep. Well, I listened to your breathing for a while, which sounds creepy, but it felt so relaxing… Can I call you again tonight? I haven't had that much fun in a long time...]  
Hikaru's heart skipped a beat. _It's fun for him to talk with me_ , he thought excitedly and typed in an answer.  
[I feel the same! Sorry for falling asleep (⌒_⌒;) Call me whenever you have time.]  
Unexpectedly, he received a reply right away.  
[Can't wait. I’ll call you in the evening after work, around 8.]  
Hikaru was so happy, he almost forgot how sick he felt.   
“Niichan?” His younger brother suddenly knocked on the door and opened it. “Are you ready for breakfa- Woah, you look awful!”   
“Thanks, Hacchan. Good morning to you, too,” Hikaru replied sarcastically.   
“I knew it! I knew you caught a cold! You were hanging out in the garden for way too long again. How often do I have to tell you to at least take a blanket with you? You know how easily you get sick,” Hajime scolded him. “Anyway, stay here, I’ll go and ask the chef to make some rice porridge and tea, no objections! Do you still have cooling pads? If not, I’ll ask Kai to bring some from the konbini, he’s coming over after work as usual...”   
“I have a whole box left in my drawer...” Hikaru mumbled.   
“Alright. Rest now, I’ll be back in a bit.”   
The boy slumped back down into his pillows as his brother rushed out. “Not gonna put up a fight, too tired…” he huffed to himself. But he appreciated Hajime’s mothering a lot since their actual mother wasn’t exactly the loving type. Hikaru made sure to thank him when he brought the steaming hot meal and freshly brewed tea. Despite his bad health, he was excitedly looking forward to his new friend’s call, but his condition only got worse over time and he slept most of the day.   
In the end, Hikaru missed the call.

He was devastated when he woke up the next morning and saw the missed call on his phone. “I bet he’s mad now…” Hikaru muttered, struggling while trying to sit up, weakened by his cold. He couldn't help but tear up as he gave in and just laid there. “I hate this… I hate myself…” he whispered frustrated and disappointed in himself. He hadn't even noticed that his brother and his childhood friend Kaito had entered his room to look after him.  
"Niichan, are you crying? What happened, are you feeling worse? Want me to tell Sasara to drive you to the hospital?"  
Hikaru shook his head. "I’m sad… I really like him, you know… I wanted to talk to him more and maybe even see him again, but now he's probably super mad at me because I didn't pick up the phone last night… Or he thinks _I_ hate _him_ , which I don’t," he sobbed. Hikaru didn’t want to tell them about Howl, but the words just slipped out while Hajime and Kaito looked at each other in confusion.   
“Finally someone I got along with who isn't my brother or my best friend and I screw it up just because I have to get sick again. Great timing, Hikaru! Well done, you weakling! Dammit…” Hikaru cursed, talking more to himself than to Hajime and Kaito.  
"What’re you babbling about?"   
"Maybe he’s hallucinating because of the fever. I mean, he’s done that before... Or he’s just going crazy," Kaito said in his typical nonchalant manner.  
"I’m so sad," Hikaru sniffled. "The day before yesterday, I met someone and he liked my cookies and accepted me, didn’t judge me… But he probably hates me now and I deserve it!"  
"Niichan, who the heck is he?" Hajime asked concernedly.  
Hikaru sat up, moaning. "Ugh, I’m dizzy…” He took a deep breath. “His name is Harada-san. He totally gets me, and he’s just so cool, and it’s sooo much fun talking to him," Hikaru swooned with a runny nose.  
"Ew, gross…" Kaito remarked at that sight and threw a tissue at his friend.   
Hiki blew his nose weakly and continued: "He had an appointment with father because something, something, computer stuff.” Hiki nodded knowingly. ”He likes computers more than people. Just how I like… _Anything_ more than people. Okay, I like _some_ people. Like _him_ ... He was waiting for father and I offered him tea and cookies... He _really_ liked my cookies, did I mention that…?" Hiki grinned dreamily.   
“Wait, he’s one of father’s business partners? Niichan, those people are dangerous, what the hell’s gotten into you?!”   
“He’s not like that, Hacchan. No, no. He’s a good guy. Very good. A good cookie...” Hiki giggled.  
"What’s with the damn cookies all the time? You're such a weirdo..."   
“See, even you think that I’m a weirdo. But he doesn’t!”   
Hajime stepped closer and placed his hand on his brother's forehead. "Jeez, you're burning up, Niichan! Come on, lay back down."  
Hiki diligently did so and Hajime tucked him in. "I'll go and get you breakfast, you need to eat something, you’re completely delusional. Kai, can you stay with him?"  
Kaito nodded and sat down at Hiki's desk which was covered in books and notepads.  
"Hacchan, please don't tell mother that I got sick again, she’d kill me..." Hiki mumbled drowsily.  
"As if I would do that," Hajime replied, clicked his tongue and left the room.   
“Hey Hiki, I didn’t want to say anything in front of your brother, but you sound like you have a crush on that guy,” Kaito said, but all he got in reply was snoring. “...Rude. Well, maybe it’s all just nonsense because of the fever… Last time you were down with a cold, you talked about a purple elephant with green wings and antennas that was taking you for a ride over Mount Fuji...” Kairo dismissed his assumption. But then his eyes fell on one of his childhood friend’s notebooks on the floor next to his bed, which had the name ‘Howl’ written all over it, with notes added such as: ‘likes chocolate chip cookies and chips’, ‘has a twin sister named Sophie’, ‘born on February 7th’, ‘likes the color blue’...   
“Jeez, Hiki... Let’s hope this is going to end well…” Kaito mumbled, frowning.   
"Crap, he didn't even eat or drink anything," Hajime cursed when he reentered the room a few minutes later and saw that his brother was sound asleep.  
"Just put it on his nightstand, he’ll eat it later.”   
“You know that he won’t, I’ll have to remind him. He’s so negligent when it comes to taking care of himself.”   
“True… Hey, that was some weird stuff he said, huh? Will you keep an eye on that?"  
"Definitely. If what he said wasn't a fever dream, then there's someone who obviously has some sort of interest in him. And a guy at that... Older than him too," Hajime clicked his tongue disapprovingly.  
"But it didn't sound like it was another Yakuza, so he should be safe, right?"  
"I don't know. It's weird that Niichan is so into someone he just met. It's not like him at all, you know how shy and reserved he normally is towards anyone, even other family members. This is concerning..."  
"Or maybe you're just overprotective? Maybe you're overthinking and they just get along well…? He doesn't have any friends besides us, so maybe he finally decided to open up a little more…"  
"Kai, you’ve known him since you were four… Do you really believe that he all of a sudden decided to become sociable? _Niichan,_ who barely even opens up to us?!"  
"Okay, not really. But what are we going to do? He's not a kid, we can't tell him not to talk to strangers…"  
"Yeah, but…" Hiki's buzzing phone next to his pillow interrupted their discussion. Hajime leaned over and looked at the screen to see who was calling. "It says Cookie-san… So it wasn’t a fever dream..."  
"Are you gonna pick it up?" The second Kaito had finished his question, Hajime had grabbed the phone and answered the call.  
"Listen, whoever you are! I don't know what kind of game you're playing with my brother, but you better not have any shady intentions, or I'll find you and tear you a new one!"  
"Ah, you must be his little brother... Hacchan, right? My name is Harada Howl, nice to talk to you."  
"My name is Hajime! What do you want from him? I swear, if you’re from a rival group and hurt him in any way… You know what my family is capable of, right? You’re gonna regret the day you were born!"  
"Growing up in certain social circles probably makes you raise suspicion against others easily, but I'm a decent guy,” Howl replied calmly. “I’m not in _that_ line of work. I run my own successful IT company. I'm not a crook, and I have no bad intentions regarding your brother. I respect that you want to protect him, that's what family does, and your brother speaks very highly of you. The two of you seem very close, but he’s eighteen, he can make his own decisions..."   
Hajime was surprised and even impressed by that man's straightforwardness and calm manner even after being threatened. "What exactly are your intentions?"  
"I don't have any. I just enjoy talking to him. It’s fun, interesting, and invigorating… He has a great personality and I would like to get to know him better."  
"Tch. You sound like you have a crush on him," Hajime said provocatively. "My brother isn't gay, so don't get your hopes up. You should just leave him alone."  
"Can't do that, sorry. Like I said, your brother is old enough to make his own decisions. If _he_ tells me to leave him alone, then I will respect that. But brother or not, you don't have the right to tell me that in his place. Though you can rest assured that even if I _had_ a crush on him, I would never force myself onto him. Anyhow, is this interrogation over? Because I would like to talk to _him_ now."  
"He… He's sleeping off a cold,” Hajime replied honestly, startled by the stranger’s words.  
"I see, so that's why he didn't pick up my call last night. I will let him recover then. It was nice talking to you, Hacchan-kun. Maybe I'll have the pleasure again. Goodbye."  
"Hacchan-k…? I told you, my name is-... He hung up…!" Hajime looked at Kaito dumbfounded.   
"What happened? What did he say?"   
Hajime needed a moment to process their conversation. "...I hate to admit it, but I guess he's cool. Very blunt, but he seemed honest. I don't think he's a threat to Niichan... I'll still keep an eye on this whole situation though. Come on now, let's leave so he can get some rest."   
“He _is_ resting… He didn’t even flinch. Once this guy’s asleep, it’s like he’s in a coma…”   
“I know, but do you wanna stay and watch my brother sleep, or do you wanna go to my room and make out?”   
“Hmm… Not sure what's more fun...” Kaito replied teasingly.   
"I'll show you what's more fun," Hajime growled, grabbed Kai's hand, and dragged him out of the room. 

For the next few days, Hiki was down with his cold. Due to his weak immune system, he was used to getting sick easily, but this time it hit him really hard. He had a very high fever and was out cold most of the time. Thankfully, Hajime and Kaito took good care of him. They wanted to call a doctor, but Hiki declined because he didn’t want their mother to get wind of it. They had a very strained relationship, and she hated when he became a bother to her. Hiki desperately wanted to avoid one of her tantrums, so he assured them that he’d be fine. After three days of mostly sleeping, he had finally recovered. Though, even his illness couldn’t keep him from constantly checking his phone to see if Howl had at least sent a message. But there was nothing. Hiki figured that this new friendship was over before it had even really started, and it made him incredibly sad. He thought about sending Howl a message to apologize but didn't dare to.  
"Jeez Niichan, stop sulking over some stranger…" Hajime rolled his eyes after he had entered his brother's room to check up on him. But all he saw was a blanket ball on the bed. “How are you feeling today?”  
"I'm not sulking. My fever is gone, I feel much better. Thank you for taking care of me, Hacchan, you're the best,” the blanket ball replied with a muffled voice.  
"I know, I know." Hajime smiled, happy about his big brother's praise.  
Hiki sat up and uncovered himself. "Where's Kaito? Don't you have karate practice today? He usually watches you…"  
"We had a fight…" Hajime sighed and slumped down on Hiki's bed.  
"Oh really? What happened?"  
"I wanted to make out earlier, but he didn't... And then I… kinda told him to stop bitching - OW!"  
Hiki had reached out and smacked his brother on the back of his head. "You're an idiot! Apologize, now!" He glared at Hajime.  
"I know, it was extremely shitty of me, and I feel really bad about it, but he won't pick up his phone…"  
"So what? Go to his house, it's just down the road! Hacchan, you need to understand that now that you guys are more than just friends, you have to be a little more careful with your words and actions. You’re so perfect for each other, please don't ruin it. I wish I had what you guys have…"  
"...Really?"  
"Of course! I mean, just because I never had a love interest doesn't mean I want to be alone for the rest of my life. I want someone who I can love and who loves me back…"  
"I really love him, that's why I can't help wanting to touch him all the time- OW! Niichaaaan, stop that!"  
"Hacchan, seriously, I know you’re only 16, but get your teenage hormones in check! If you love him that much, and I know you do, treat him with the respect he deserves. I can't believe that I really have to tell you that!"  
"Hey, I’m turning 17 next month! But you're right. I'll go over and apologize in person. Maybe I should pick some flowers on my way there..."  
"Now that's more like you, Hacchan!" Hiki patted his brother's head.  
"Niichan, my hair~" Hajime got up and walked over to the door. "What are you going to do today? Are you gonna stay in bed again?"  
"Hm… No, I think I'll sneak out and head over to Ramen Jiji."   
“I’ll go with you!”   
“No. You go and apologize. You don't have much time anyway, your practice will start soon, so hurry up.”   
“But you shouldn’t go to town all by yourself. Ask Sasara-san to drive you…”   
“I don’t want a guard, it’s awkward.”   
Hajime sighed. “So stubborn... But you barely ate anything in the past few days, so a big bowl of Jiji’s stamina ramen would do you good… Just be careful, okay?"  
"Yup." Hiki scooted over to the edge of his bed. "But first, I'll take a shower…"  
"And… You should call him," Hajime mumbled.   
"Huh?" Hiki's heart skipped a beat. "Call whom? What are you talking about?"  
Hajime rolled his eyes. "That guy you were swooning over when you were running a fever. If you like him, call him. Anyway, talk to you later.” He turned around and quickly left the room.  
Hiki blushed. He had absolutely no recollection of talking about Howl.   
_‘If you like him, call him’_ , he thought. “As if that’s so easy…” Hiki sighed, got up, and went to the bathroom to get ready. Afterwards, he snuck out of the big, fenced property through his usual secret exit to go on the thirty-minute bike ride away to his favorite restaurant. Hikaru cursed the remoteness of their home every time he went there. Riding the bike for that long was exhausting to him, especially after lying in bed for days. Though the scenery of the countryside and the great air kind of made up for it. It was one of the rare moments when he felt free. At least a little bit.   
After Hiki arrived at his destination, huffing and sweaty, he sat down at the counter and placed his favorite book, that he had brought along, on it. The shop was quite busy, so he decided to start reading until the waitress had time to take his order. He loved going to that small and cozy shop. It was a little run down, but that just added to its charm, and the staff was always very kind to him. Plus, to Hiki, Jiji made the best Ramen in the world.  
"I'll be right there, Hiki-kun," the waitress shouted over when she noticed him.   
"No hurry, Kida-san," Hiki replied.   
"Ueda-kun?!"   
A deep voice behind him startled Hiki and he jolted around. His heart stopped when he saw the person standing there.   
"H-Harada-san? What are you doing here?"  
"I had an appointment at one of your father's offices nearby and got hungry… Since you're here, I assume you're feeling better?"  
"Huh?"  
"You were sick, weren't you? Are you okay yet? You look pale…" he frowned concernedly.  
"I-I'm okay… But how do you know?"  
"May I?" Howl asked before sitting down on a chair next to him after Hiki had nodded.  
"I called the other day, and your brother picked up your phone."  
"Hacchan? He didn't mention anything…"   
"He told me that you were sick, so I wanted to give you time to recover before contacting you again. But… I couldn't stand to wait anymore and wanted to call you yesterday. Unfortunately, something came up at work, and in the end, it had gotten very late. I was planning to call you this evening, but now that I met you here, would you like to have lunch with me?" Howl smiled and Hiki’s heart skipped a beat.  
"I-I would love to," he sparkled, happy and relieved.  
Howl's chest tightened. _He's way too cute for his own good_ , he thought. Howl didn't plan on making any advances towards Hiki, but seeing him again in person, he was now 100% sure that he had fallen for that boy.   
"Alright, Hiki-kun. What can I bring you today," the waitress asked smiling as she approached him.   
"Um, I'd like a bowl of stamina ramen, please," he replied.   
"And for your friend?"   
"Can you recommend anything, Ueda-kun?" Howl asked.   
"Hmm… Everything tastes great here, to be honest. But maybe… Jiji’s special Tonkotsu Ramen? I mean, if Tonkotsu is something you like, you should try it, Jiji’s is the best!"  
"Sounds great, I'll have that," Howl told the waitress, who nodded and walked over to the kitchen.   
In the meantime, Hiki and Howl switched to one of the tables in the back for more privacy.  
"I'm really happy to have met you here, Ueda-kun. I wanted to talk to you more and I would like to have more of your delicious cookies… Jeez, I sound like a creep again…"  
"N-No, not at all! If I would've known that I'd meet you here, I would've brought you some. Next time, I promise," Hiki smiled broadly.   
"Next time? Love to hear that," Howl said and returned the smile, which made Hiki's heart throb, and he swallowed hard. _What the heck was that,_ he thought, startled by his own reaction.  
"Oh, by the way… I stopped at one of my family's branches and got you this." Howl rummaged around in his dark brown leather briefcase and handed Hiki a black box with a golden peony emblem, and the writing 'Harada Sweets" on it. "Good thing I forgot to take it out after I bought it."  
"W-What is this?" Hiki asked dumbfounded.  
"Open it… I didn't know if you like them, but I decided to give it a shot."  
Hiki opened the shiny box and inside was a mix of colorful Japanese sweets that were shaped like flowers.  
"Uwah~ Namagashi! I love Namagashi, and these are especially pretty, thank you Harada-san!" Hiki sparkled.   
Howl cleared his throat, touched by the boy’s blitheness over such a simple gift. "I'm glad you like them. And thank you for having lunch with me, food always tastes better with company."   
"I agree! And… Well... I enjoy talking to you too,” he stuttered blushing.   
"Here you go..." The waitress suddenly showed up and placed their ramen on the table.   
They thanked her and Howl took a bite. “Oh wow, it’s really good! I haven’t had Tonkotsu this good in Tokyo!"   
“I know, right?” Hiki grinned and slurped in some noodles.   
“Oh, hold on… There's something on your cheek…" Howl reached out, wiped a little soup smudge off of Hiki's cheek, and licked it off his thumb.  
"W-What are you doing?" Hiki asked with a shocked expression.  
"It was a reflex," Howl replied, realizing that he might have gone too far, while Hiki's heart was beating like crazy and his face was glowing red. "Sorry for crossing a line,” he added and quickly changed the subject. "What was that book you were reading earlier, by the way?"  
"Book...? Oh, it's called Midair, Deep Sea by Usami Akihiko. He's my favorite author! It's one of his older works, they're a bit sad and gloomy. His more recent publications give off a lighter feeling, but I really like this one. He's a great author, he was the youngest person ever to win the Aomori Award," Hiki babbled.  
"I see," Howl smiled.  
"Ah, I'm sorry. I got carried away again..."   
"It's good to have something you're passionate about. Nothing to apologize for," Howl encouraged him.  
"Passionate… Like you and your computer things?"   
"Yeah… I've talked about that a lot, huh… I know it's boring, I get carried away too, I guess," Howl smiled apologetically.  
"It wasn't boring at all… It's good to have something you're passionate about. Nothing to apologize for," Hiki quoted him grinning.   
“Okay, you got me there,” Howl chuckled, glad that his action from before hadn’t ruined the mood.   
  
They continued talking about everything and anything and enjoyed their time together. There wasn't a single moment of awkward silence or anything alike, and they didn't even notice how time passed, just like during their call the other day.   
But then, all of a sudden, Hiki's phone started ringing.  
"Oh… Please excuse me, that's probably Hacchan checking up on me…" Hiki said, but then his soft expression hardened as he looked at the display. Howl was a bit startled by that since the boy almost looked like a different person.   
"Yes, Harumi? Oh... Okay. As you wish, I'll be there in half an hour… I’m sorry, I can’t be there sooner, I… Yes. Okay... Understood." He hung up and looked down on the table. Howl thought he seemed daunted, which made his heart throb heavily.   
"I'm sorry Harada-san, but I have to leave now.” Hiki got up.   
“Right now? Why so sudden? I hope nothing bad happened…”   
“That was my sister, she needs me to take care of her daughter. Something came up, and it's their Nanny's day off." Hiki sighed, he was devastated. He would've loved to spend more time with Howl but it couldn’t be helped. He knew that if he'd refused to follow his sister's orders, she would make his life a living hell. She was just like their mother.   
"I see... What a shame, I would've loved to spend more time with you. But I guess it can’t be helped," Howl said, and again, the boy’s heart skipped a beat. It was as if he read Hiki’s mind.  
"I’m so sorry, I have to hurry. They don't know that I'm here, I'm actually not allowed to leave the property without a guard. The bike ride back will take half an hour, so..." Hiki wanted to take out his wallet to pay for his meal, but Howl stopped him.   
"Please… That's on me."  
"B-But…"  
"Let me handle it as compensation for the tea and your delicious cookies the other day," Howl smiled.  
"Um… Okay. Thank you very much." Hiki blushed again and bowed. "I really, really enjoyed talking to you, Howl-san."   
"How about I drive you back home? Your bike would fit in the trunk…"  
"Huh? No, I don't want to trouble you," Hiki replied politely, but secretly hoped Howl would insist on it, just so they could spend 15 more minutes together.   
“No objections. I probably kept you here for longer than you would’ve originally stayed, so let me make up for it. Now let’s hurry so you won’t get into trouble."   
“Thank you,” Hiki smiled, happy that he would actually get those 15 extra minutes with Howl.   
They carefully placed Hiki’s bike in the Audi’s trunk and got into the car. Weirdly, they didn’t talk much on their way to the Ueda estate. Howl mentioned the beautiful scenery, but Hiki frantically thought about what he could use as a reason to meet with Howl again as soon as possible.   
“Ah, please stop here,” Hiki suddenly said. “If you drive me up to the main entrance…”   
“Yeah, they’d know you snuck out. But isn’t this too far from the house?”   
“There’s a hole in the fence over there. I’ll have to run, but this is the only way in.”   
“What about your bike?” Howl asked as they got out of the car, and he took it out of the trunk.   
“I always hide it over there in the bushes. Thank you so much, Harada-san. For everything…” Hiki said and turned around to leave, wanting to ask him when they could meet again, but his shyness was too overpowering.   
“Ah, Ueda-kun!" Howl stopped him and he jolted around.   
"Y-Yes!?"   
“I would like to meet you again soon… There's a festival in Meishu this weekend, I saw a poster somewhere this morning. Would you like to go?”   
“I would love to,” Hiki gleamed.  
“Great! How about 7 pm? I could pick you up here...”  
“Let's meet at Meishu station instead. There are guards patrolling the area around the property at night, they'd see the car... The train station is safer.”  
“Alright. Saturday, 7 pm at Meishu station. Can't wait,” Howl smiled.   
Hiki smiled back broadly and nodded enthusiastically in agreement before he turned around and left in a hurry. 

While he was watching his niece, Hiki thought about Howl and their conversation. That man’s face always had this earnest expression, but when he smiled, he looked so kind and even cute. Though to him, he also looked cute while wearing that earnest expression. _Is it even appropriate to think of someone as cute who’s seven years my senior_ , Hiki wondered. He also thought about how he smelled really nice, how big his hands were, and that his deep voice had such an interesting sound, which was even more intense and mesmerizing when he wasn't talking through a phone… Hiki suddenly shook his head to clear his thoughts as he built a lego tower with his niece. Why did he feel so drawn to this stranger? He had never experienced feelings like that before…   
“Hikaru-oji, stop daydreaming or I’ll tell mom that you did a bad job,” his seven-year-old niece complained, and for the rest of the time, he focused on the spoiled little girl. 

After he was done complying with his uncle-duties, Hiki went to his room and dropped on his bed. Normally, he was exhausted after watching that kid, but this time, he felt ecstatic. "Ugh, why am I so happy…?" he whispered as he touched his cheek where Howl had wiped off the soup. "Please let Saturday come quickly."


	2. Fireworks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> NOTE: There is a side story in the works of Hajime and Kai’s story, which includes Kai’s background story with his family, how the trio’s friendship developed, and how he and Hajime became lovers.
> 
> More notes:  
> I used the Japanese names for the food they're eating because I like that better.  
> Here's what they mean:  
> Matsuri: Festival  
> Kakigori: Shaved ice with syrup  
> Takoyaki: Waffle balls filled with octopus  
> Karaage: fried chicken on a stick  
> Yakitori: grilled chicken on a stick  
> Yakisoba: A noodle dish  
> Shateki booth: shooting game

After Howl's invitation to the matsuri, Hiki felt weirdly restless. It wouldn’t be his first time going to one, so the main reason for his anticipation was meeting Howl again.   
Two days had passed since their unplanned encounter at the ramen shop, and ever since then, Hiki’s chest felt like there was a little hummingbird trapped inside. Thinking about the fact that their next meeting was only one more day away made him feel dizzy with excitement. Hiki had never felt anything like that before. There was something about that man that drew Hiki to him from the very first moment they had met.   
Unfortunately, Howl didn’t have the time for long phone calls anymore, due to work-related stress, but they still exchanged messages from time to time. Nevertheless, Hiki missed him.   
Admittedly, he was a little overwhelmed by all these strange and unexpected feelings, so Hiki decided to seek the advice of the two people closest to him; Hajime, his younger brother, and Kaito, who grew up with them.  
The Ueda estate was in such a remote place in the countryside the Oyabun had built worker’s accommodations for his staff. Kai’s family lived there as well. His father worked as a janitor for the Ueda family, but after his wife passed unexpectedly when Kaito was four years old, the man was in a jam. Due to the remoteness, there were no neighbors or babysitters nearby he could have asked to take care of his son, and the kindergarten in the next town over had a long waiting list.  
At first, he took Kaito to work with him, but it was impossible to do a good job with a four-year-old in tow. Very soon, the grief-ridden and depressed widower struggled with caring for the toddler alone and quickly saw himself no longer able to continue his work for Ueda. The Yakuza head refused his letter of resignation; it would have been troublesome to find a trustworthy replacement. He also appreciated the man’s hard work on the massive estate, so he made an offer to Kai’s father. He would be able to leave his son with their nanny, who was already looking after his youngest sons Hikaru, 4, and Hajime, 3.   
From then on, the three of them became inseparable, so it was only natural for them to share everything to that day. Although two years ago, the trio’s dynamic changed a little.   
After a misunderstanding and some turmoil between Hajime and Kai, which Hiki settled, it turned out that Kaito had developed romantic feelings for Hajime. Fortunately, those feelings were mutual, and the two of them became a couple.   
Of course, Hiki had always been very supportive of their relationship, since he didn’t want anything more than to see the two people who meant the most to him happy. And, even though Hiki himself had never even had a crush on someone before, he always had great advice for those two whenever they were bickering.   
Hiki thought that it was probably easier for a third party to see things more clearly than for the people involved. He hoped that they might be able to do the same for him in his current situation; to evaluate everything from a more neutral perspective. Though, what Hiki actually wanted to hear was that his feelings were normal in a friendship.   
After the couple’s little fight the other day, Hiki had retreated to give them some space to sort things out, but he couldn't hold back anymore. He desperately needed to talk about Howl, so he walked over to Hajime's room and knocked on his door. He heard loud laughter, so his brother’s apology had obviously been accepted. Hiki was relieved and opened the door after they had told him to come in.  
"Guys, I… Oh." Hiki paused when he saw what the couple was up to.  
Hajime was lying on his bed and Kaito sat on his lap with a feverishly red and sweaty face.  
"Never mind, I'll come back later…" Hiki turned around to leave, but Kaito stopped him.  
"No, no, it's fine, Hiki! Come in," he said as he climbed off of his boyfriend.  
"We were just in a tickle war," Hajime added while getting up.  
"I won by the way," Kaito announced proudly.  
"You did _not_ ," Hajime protested.  
"Shut up, you just surrendered!"  
"I was bluffing."  
"Ha, as if! I'm the winner, I demand my reward!"  
"You’ll get it. But your reward is a reward for me too..."  
Hiki tried to sneak out, feeling like the third wheel, but Kaito jumped up and grabbed his arm to drag him over to the small sofa across the bed. He gently pushed Hiki down, before he went to sit down on the edge of Hajime’s bed.  
"Sorry, Hiki." He turned around, glared at Hajime, and hissed playfully: "We'll continue this later, my friend." Then he turned back to his friend. "Now tell us about the cookie guy. That's why you're here, right? We thought you’d need to sort out your feelings so we left you alone, but we’re happy that you finally came here to talk about it… So…?"   
“Cookie guy... “ Hiki blushed. “Well, apparently, I told you about him when I was sick... Though I don’t really remember any of it...”  
“You were just babbling a bunch of gibberish, maybe you should tell us the whole story,” Hajime suggested.   
Hiki nodded, and with glowing cheeks, he told them all about how he met Howl for the first time, their phone call, that they met at the ramen shop, and what happened there.  
“Is he a stalker or something? How did he show up at Jiji’s the exact day and moment you were there too…?” Hajime asked warily.   
“He’s not a stalker… We hadn’t spoken in days, so he didn’t know I was going there. He didn’t even know that it’s my favorite restaurant. I never mentioned it. Harada-san isn’t a bad guy, he’s very kind, funny, he has great manners, he’s super interesting, hard-working, passionate, understanding, accepting… I mean, he doesn’t judge me for being… me.”  
“Hiki, there’s nothing wrong with you, regardless…”  
Hiki didn’t reply to that. “Oh, and he said he doesn’t like people either, and we share a lot of the same interests…! And I feel like he’s interested in everything I say, even when I talk about things he doesn’t care about, he still listens kindly and never responds with standard answers. They’re always genuine. And he told me so much about himself, too. Very personal things. He’s such a multilayered, interesting man, I loved listening to his weird and funny stories about his clients and he talked so much about his twin sister, it felt like I knew her… Sometimes… It felt like I’ve known _him_ for years. And Harada-san is really tall and has this grumpy aura, which is actually so cute,” Hiki giggled.   
“Cute...?” Kai asked.   
“Yeah, he’s really cute. When he talks to people, he looks so stern and earnest, but when we talk about things we like, his expression gets soft and friendly,” he sparkled.   
“Hiki… You have a severe crush on that guy,” Kai said and raised one eyebrow.   
“Huh? I… I… What? No, I don't!? Tch… All you two think about is lewd stuff.” Hiki scoffed.  
“Hey, that’s not true! Only your brother does, but I’m not like that, okay,” Kaito protested.   
“...Hacchan, you’re not even gonna deny it, are you…”  
“All I think about is Kai, that’s all I’m gonna say,” Hajime grinned.   
“Dork,” Kai replied, slightly blushing. “Now Hiki... Really... That’s all you see this man as? A friend?”  
Hiki nodded. “At first, I was a bit confused, because I get _so_ excited when he’s around or when I think about him, but I figured that it’s normal… He’s my first friend after all, so I didn’t know what that’s like. But we’re not like you two, so that’s all it is. Just a friendship.”  
“Well, Hiki, our relationship is different… We’ve known each other for fourteen years now, of course, Hajime and I behave differently… Just like the friendship between you and me is different,” Kai tried desperately to push Hiki in the right direction, to make him aware of his obvious romantic feelings for that man, but Hiki wasn’t catching on.  
“Exactly! I’ve never had a friend beside you before, so of course, I’m excited and an emotional mess…”  
“Mh… Sure…” his friend replied, not wanting to confuse Hiki even more. He needed to realize it himself, Kai thought.  
“Okay, but what now?” Hajime asked.  
“Well, he drove me back home and asked me to go to the matsuri with him on Saturday…”  
“Niichan, do you want us to come with you? I don’t like the thought of you wandering around outside without any protection… What if someone recognizes you?”  
“You’re too anxious when it comes to stuff like that. The matsuri, just like Jiji’s, is completely on Ueda Gumi territory. The ground they’re fighting over is far away enough for it to be safe, there won’t be any rival yakuza anywhere near.”  
“Well, I hope you’ll have fun with your new _friend…_ ”  
“Can’t wait,” Hiki said, smiling, and then got up. “I think I’m gonna go and pick out my clothes for tomorrow.”  
“Already?” Kai asked.  
“Yeah, that way I won’t be stressing out about it tomorrow…”  
“True, want me to help y- Wah, Hajime, where are you touching?! Take your hands out of my- Ah! Stop that, idiot, it tickles!"  
“Your buttcrack is showing,” Hajime replied innocently.   
“That doesn’t mean you have to stick your finger in there, idiot!”  
"The war isn't over yet, though. It's time for phase two: The conquering! Muahahaha!" Hajime reached out and pulled his startled boyfriend further onto the bed while Hiki snuck out.   
He shook his head over their silliness but smiled fondly on his way to his room when a sudden buzz from his pocket made him jolt. It was his phone. Hiki looked at the display, it was an incoming call from…  
“Harada-san,” he greeted him after picking up and closing the door behind him.   
"Hello, Ueda-kun. I’m sorry, I don't have much time, I'm heading to a meeting right now. But I'm in the car, so I thought I could use the time to call you."  
“You’re always so busy, please take care of yourself,” Hiki replied, happy that Howl thought of him regardless.  
"About Saturday…"  
For a second, Hiki thought he might be calling cancel and panicked internally. _Did I say or do something weird? Have I been myself too much? Did he come to hate me,_ Hiki thought frantically.  
"I'm really looking forward to it and I can't wait to see you again,” the man continued, and Hiki silently exhaled relieved. “You know, it's my first matsuri, so I'm excited about that too. I'm happy that I can share this experience with you, Ueda-kun. Thank you for accompanying me."  
Hiki felt ashamed for overreacting. "I'm looking forward to it as well. Thank you for taking me, I feel honored. There’ll be so many game booths to play at and you’ll have to try all of the food! There's nothing better than festival food."  
"Except for your cookies."  
Hiki blushed and didn’t know what to say.  
"Oh, by the way, is there a certain etiquette when it comes to clothing? Should I wear a yukata?”  
“D-Do you own one?” Hiki asked.   
“No, but I can go and buy one…”  
“Ah, you don’t really have to, casual clothing is fine!”  
“Do _you_ own one?”  
“Yeah…”  
“Then let’s do this the right way and wear yukata to my first matsuri, what do you say?”  
“O-Okay, but do you even have the time to get one?”  
“Don’t worry, I’ll manage. Alright, Ueda-kun, I have to hang up now. See you tomorrow, please be safe."  
“You stay safe too, don't overwork yourself.”  
For a moment, there was a certain kind of silence between them. It wasn’t an awkward silence, it was as if they both wanted to say something but couldn’t bring themselves to. At least that’s how Hiki felt, even though he didn’t even know what it was. He just had this feeling of pressure on his chest.   
“...Bye,” Howl then said.   
“B-Bye!”   
They hung up and Hiki took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. “Yukata, huh…” Suddenly, his heart throbbed as he imagined that fashionable man in the traditional clothing. “Uwah, which one am I gonna wear,” he gasped and dove into his closet for the rest of the evening.   
  
After a restless night, Saturday had finally come and Hiki felt like he was going to burst from excitement. At first, he tried to distract himself with reading, but he couldn't focus on his book at all. When he ended up reading the same paragraph for the third time, but still hadn't caught what was going on, he decided to give up and put his book away.  
“Hey, Hiki, can I come in?” Kaito asked after knocking on his door.   
“Yes! Please!”  
“Hey, that was unusually loud for you, are you anxious because of your d-... Meeting?” Kai grinned as he entered the room. “Wow, Hiki… You look pale… Did you get sick again?”  
“No, I’m nervous! Kai, this is the first time I’m doing something with someone who isn’t you or Hacchan! What if I say something stupid and he thinks I’m an idiot? What if it’s gonna be awkward? What if he thinks my yukata is ugly?”  
“Jeez, Hiki, calm down… You two got along great so far, right? So what makes you think that will change?”  
“I don’t know… It’s just...” Suddenly, Hiki’s phone buzzed. “Oh, it’s a message from Harada-san!” Hiki opened and read it out loud. “Hello, Ueda-kun! I’m looking forward to seeing you later, but there’s a change of plans! I looked at today’s forecast and they said it’s gonna be pretty chilly tonight, it’s not summer yet, after all, so let’s wear normal clothing. I don’t want you to catch another cold. We can go to a summer matsuri and wear our yukata, then. What do you think?”  
“Wow… How considerate of him,” Kai noted.   
Hiki nodded. “He’s awesome. I didn’t even think about that…”   
Even though Hiki was a little disappointed that he wouldn’t see his friend in yukata, he was also happy and thankful for his mindfulness.   
[You’re right, I agree. Thank you for being so considerate. I’m looking forward to later as well (⁀ᗢ⁀) ] he texted back.  
[I’m just being selfish. If you get sick, I won’t be able to meet you for a while. See you in a bit]  
Hiki giggled as he typed his reply.  
“Hey… You’re glowing,” Kai remarked. Hiki had completely forgotten he was there.   
“Ah… Sorry…”  
“Let’s pick out some new clothes,” his friend smirked.   
They rummaged around in Hiki’s closet, and in the end, he chose blue jeans, a white shirt, and a light blue cardigan.   
“Isn’t it too much blue,” Hiki asked, but Kaito shook his head.  
“It’s his favorite color, right?”  
“How do you know,” Hiki wondered.   
“I saw your notebook…”  
“Oh that…! Um, I just didn’t want to forget anything, that’s why-”  
“I get it. And you look good, don’t worry. How are you gonna wear your hair? Bun? Ponytail?”  
“Ponytail… Or should I wear it in a bun?”  
“Nah, the ponytail suits you more…”  
“Sometimes I hate having to wear my hair long. I know it’s a family tradition but it’s troublesome and so old-fashioned…”  
“Your father would kill you if you cut it.”  
“I know… I don’t want to anger him, so I wouldn’t do that, but… It’s always in the way.”  
“I like it.”  
“Yours is short!”  
“I mean on your brother. I like running my fingers through it when we make out and stuff…” Kai grinned.   
“Too much info,” Hiki grumbled.   
“Hey, you're my best friend, so you have to listen when I talk about my boyfriend. Not my fault it’s your brother.” Kaito shrugged.   
Hiki chuckled. “Yeah, yeah...”   
  
At six o’clock, Hiki was all set and ready to leave.   
He grabbed his backpack and went to Hajime's room, where the couple was busy playing a video game, but paused when he entered.  
"Hey Hiki, you look handsome," Kaito said. "Do you have the box?"  
"It’s in my backpack…” Hiki replied.   
"You really have some balls to use that kitchen. Chef Takashima is gonna kill you and serve you for dinner if she ever finds out about what you're doing," Hajime shuddered.  
"I know, but I don't do it often. I just really like cooking and baking... And Harada-san liked my cookies, so I wanted to bring him a batch."  
"I like your cookies too, but you didn't make any for me in forever," his little brother pouted. Hiki opened his backpack and took out one of the two bento boxes that were inside.  
"As if I wouldn't think of you, Hacchan." He handed him the box and Hajime lit up. "Should be enough for the both of you.”  
“Awesome! Thank you, Niichan!"  
"Thanks, Hiki! Hey Hajime, you glutton! Stop stuffing your face and give me one!"  
“Fowwy, feir fuft foooo goog!”  
“Don’t be so selfish...”  
“Ow, Kai, don’t slap my hand!”  
"Alright, I'm gonna head out now…"  
“Niichan, send us a text from time to time, so we'll know that you're okay! And come by my room when you're back!"  
"Yes, you’ll have to tell us everything!"  
"Okay, but I really have to leave now, or I'll be late. The train station isn't exactly around the corner... Bye guys, see you later." He put on his backpack and left.  
“Dammit, I wanted to ask him to bring some food…”  
“Hajime, you just inhaled a bunch of cookies and you’re gonna finish this box, I’m sure.”  
“But festival food is the best!”  
“You’re gonna get chubby if you keep eating so much…”  
“I’m just having a growth spurt… But it would actually be a blessing for you if I’d get bigger because there’d be so much more of me for you to love…” Hajime grinned.  
“Give me those damn cookies.”  
“Nooooooo…!”

While Hiki was on his way to his usual secret exit at the end of their huge garden, he tried his hardest to stay composed and keep his pounding heart in check. When he reached the big glass door that led to the garden in the back of the mansion, Hiki timidly passed the guards that were posted at all entrances and was relieved that they didn’t pay any attention to him as usual, despite his feeling of glowing with excitement. Hiki rushed across the big terrace until he reached a long graveled path. There were two of those leading down the property, cutting through the well-kept lawn, divided by an equally long, broad centerpiece adorned with a grand fountain and box trees in elegant geometrical shapes. A portion of the surrounding forest area was part of their property and inside the fences all the way down by the end of the paths, where they merged into a U-shape. Hiki had walked fast for a good five minutes when he reached the end of the paths and vanished into the bushes. He walked through the small wooded area, which wasn’t part of the gardener’s maintenance sector, so the thicket was dense and the eye couldn’t reach far into it, even if someone walked by. It was the perfect hideout when Hiki fled from his mother and didn’t want to be found. He felt somewhat safe there.   
He passed his favorite tree, whose moss-covered roots had always been a great place to relax comfortably while reading. From there, it was another two minutes until he reached the big black wrought iron fence that surrounded the mansion. The entire land owned by Hiki’s family was much larger, but the fence only surrounded the main building.   
The Oyabun was somewhat paranoid when it came to home intruders since their clan was in a feud with two other clans over some territory and other things Hiki didn’t really know much about. He hated all the violence that was bound to those, in his eyes, futile disputes. Amongst other things, there had been attempted abductions on his siblings Harumi and Hiroki, assassination attempts on his father, and street fights, in one of which his beloved brother Satoshi tragically lost his life. But because of all that, Hiki’s father had ordered that no one was allowed to leave the estate without a guard.   
Now, Hiki absolutely wasn’t the rebellious type, he never wanted to cause trouble to anyone, or do anything that would make others mad at him. But he hated being stuck in that house for several reasons and asking someone to follow him around when he actually wanted to be alone was absolutely illogical in his opinion. So he started sneaking out after he discovered that hidden area at the age of eleven. He just wanted to escape everything that happened back then, and he was ecstatic when he discovered that he could fit through the bars of the fence. Hiki always made sure to always stay on Ueda territory, and aside from Ramen Jiji and the local bookstore, he stayed away from people anyway. Lucky for him, even when he grew older, Hiki maintained a slender physique and at the age of eighteen, he was still able to slip through those bars, even though it had become a little harder.   
  
After he had dropped his backpack on the other side of the fence and slipped through himself, Hiki dug out his bike that was hidden in the bushes and quickly made his way to the train station.   
When he arrived there, Howl was already waiting for him at the main entrance. He was wearing black jeans, a dark blue V-neck sweater, and a casual black jacket.   
Hiki’s heart skipped a beat. _Woah, so handsome_ , he thought as he realized that he hadn’t seen the man in casual clothing so far. Howl had looked great in his suit, but this...  
“Ueda-kun!” Howl waved as Hiki closed in on him.   
“Good evening, Harada-san!” He sparkled and got off of his bike.   
“You look good,” Howl complimented him smiling, and Hiki blushed instantly.   
“Th-Thank you… You too!”   
"Thanks… You look a bit tired too, though… It must’ve been exhausting to ride your bike all the way here. I’ll definitely drive you home, no objections. I can let you out at a safe place where the guards can’t see us, which is what we should’ve done, to begin with…”   
"Okay, thank you," Hiki replied, again. “But it’s really no biggie,” he smiled.   
“Come on, let’s put your bike in the trunk again, we have to drive over to the matsuri. It’s a bit far to walk there.”   
Hiki nodded and they did so.   
The boy's heart was pounding during the short drive. He had been so excited to meet Howl again, but now that they were sitting next to each other, Hiki asked himself why he couldn’t calm down in the slightest...   
It didn't take long for them to arrive, and after Howl had parked the car, they walked through a big park to get to the matsuri, which took place in a big plaza in the middle of it. The sun was setting and the scenery was flooded in atmospheric orange light. Hiki spotted the first booths from afar and got excited, he couldn't hold back anymore.  
"Oh, look, Howl-san! There it is," he shouted. "I wonder what kinds of booths they’ll have this year! Sometimes they vary… And I can’t wait to visit the food stalls! Oh, and we have to try the matsuri sweets! My favorites are cotton candy, candied apples, Dango… Ah, I wonder if they have Kakigori already since it's not summer yet... Last year they didn't, but maybe this year... And you should try a lottery game! The prizes are mostly trash, but it's fun! There are so many things I want you to try! It's the first matsuri of the year, it's special. Normally I go with Hacchan and Kai, but I'm very happy to be here with _you_ this year," he gleamed.  
Howl chuckled. "I feel like this is going to be an exciting night..."  
Hiki blushed and looked down shyly. "I'm sorry, I went a little overboard again, didn't I..." _I'm making a fool out of myself_ , he thought embarrassed.  
"Not at all, I really like your enthusiasm, Ueda-kun. It's very refreshing and contagious, so don't apologize. Please never hold back your feelings and emotions when you're with me. Just so you know, because people have told me in the past that I look grumpy all the time, but I'm equally excited to be here with you. Even if it doesn’t show on my face.”   
“Eh? But it does show…” Hiki leaned over and stared at Howl. “Yeah, you don’t look grumpy right now at all to me,” he smiled.   
Howl cleared his throat and pushed up his glasses. “Anyhow, I absolutely love snacks and sweets... I’m a bit of a glutton sometimes, and you’ve made me very curious.”  
Hiki giggled. He felt relieved and thought: _He’s so open-minded, kind, and sweet... Of course, he doesn't judge me for being an overly excited dork. Of course, he reassures me, so I won't feel bad about myself._ Hiki’s heart was pounding. _He's a really great friend, I’m so lucky..._

When they finally arrived at the booths, the air was already filled with all kinds of mouthwatering scents. The first matsuri of the year was well frequented. Kids were frolicking around excitedly, their parents running after them, the murmur of the big crowd was mixed with sizzling sounds from the food stands and various melodies from the carousels and game booths. The atmosphere was great, and Hiki's eyes wandered around restlessly, trying not to miss anything. Howl enjoyed watching him, but when they got deeper into the crowd, he noticed that Hiki seemingly became more and more uncomfortable. He tried to evade people and just looked stressed out overall. Howl assumed that he might suffer from agoraphobia or something and wanted to help him.   
He didn’t know at that time that he was correct in his assumption. Hiki did feel anxious when there were more than five people in a room, and big crowds scared him. In all his excitement, he hadn’t thought about the fact that the first weekend was the most frequented. This was why he, Hajime, and Kai usually went during times when it was less cramped.   
Howl quickly placed his arm around the anxious-looking Hiki and pulled him closer. “I hope you don’t mind, you’re gonna get lost otherwise,” he used as an excuse.   
Hiki’s heart skipped more than one beat, but he gratefully huddled up against the tall man’s broad chest. “Th-Thank you…” he huffed. _He smells so good_ , Hiki thought as the tension left his body.   
"Are you hungry yet?" Howl asked in an effort to distract him.  
"Huh? Oh…" Hiki nodded. "I kinda skipped dinner…"  
“Let’s eat something, then. What do you feel like having?"  
"Hmm… maybe... Takoyaki... or...Karaage? Or maybe Yakitori? Oh, or Yakisoba! What would _you_ like to eat? Maybe we should just pick something from the nearest stall, but the sitting areas are all completely occupied, so..."  
“Come this way,” Howl said. He withdrew his arm from Hiki’s shoulders and grabbed his hand to gently drag him to a narrow path behind the matsuri ground.   
_WE’RE HOLDING HANDS_ , Hiki screamed internally. _My hand is so sweaty though, how embarrassing! But his is so big and warm… Wait, do friends hold hands?_ Hiki’s inner monologue was interrupted when they arrived at a bench. It had become dark already, and only the lights from the matsuri and some street lamps illuminated the path.   
“Um, Harada-san, why did we leave the matsuri? I thought we were gonna eat something…?”  
"Ueda-kun, please wait here for me, okay? I'll be back in a few minutes."  
"O-Okay..." Hiki replied confused and sat down.   
“Are you cold? It has become a bit chilly, here…” Howl took off his jacket, placed it around the startled boy’s shoulders, and headed back to the fair. Hiki didn't know what the man was up to, but used the time alone to send a message to the group chat he was in with Kaito and his brother.  
[Hey guys, just wanted to let you know that everything's okay.]  
[Finally, you're texting!] Kai replied. [We started to worry. Is it fun?]  
[It’s awesome! Harada-san is soooo cool!]  
[Why do you have the time to chat with us? Where is he?]  
[I don’t know, to be honest. He brought me to a remote place and left.] Right after he sent the message, Hiki realized that he sounded like an abandoned dog.   
[What the hell? Niichan, where are you? We’re gonna come and get you!]  
[No, I’m still at the fair, he said he’ll be back in a bit. Sorry, terrible choice of words… Anyway, they have a lot of new booths this year, make sure to go together too!]  
[We’ll go tomorrow, it’s actually the only day we can go since I’ll have work the next few weekends. Hiki, tell us everything in detail when you come back, okay?]  
[Will do, ttyl]  
[Be safe, Niichan!]  
[ d(〃＾▽＾〃)b ] Hiki replied and put away his phone. He looked into the direction Howl had been heading, but still no sight of him. _It felt so warm when he held me,_ Hiki thought. _So safe… His jacket is warm too..._ He took the oversized piece of clothing and wrapped himself up in it. _Waah, it smells like him,_ he sighed, grinning contentedly.   
“Hey, you!” An unfamiliar voice suddenly pulled him out of his swooning. For a second, Hiki thought it was a rival clan member and his heart jumped. But he realized that the three men passing by were most likely just visitors of the matsuri as well.  
"What do we have here... Such a cutie!" The tallest of them slurred his words. They were obviously drunk, so Hiki decided to ignore them, which didn’t suit them well.  
"Hey, bitch, I’m talking to you!”  
Hiki still ignored them, just staring into the direction of the matsuri, where he hoped to see Howl return soon.  
“Rude little cunt, you should thank me for complimenting you! Bitches these days have no respect and no manners," he grunted.   
"I'm not a girl," Hiki answered calmly.  
"Huh?! You're a guy?!” He laughed condescendingly. “You've gotta be shitting me." The drunkard then staggered towards Hiki, followed by his friends, and stopped right in front of him.   
Hiki was still sitting on the bench, looking up at them. "You know, if you treat girls like this, you can’t blame them for ignoring you," Hiki replied, severely annoyed. The stench of the alcohol and that drunk behavior triggered unpleasant memories. Hiki reflexively wrinkled his nose.   
"Hey, what’s with that face?! Bastard, I could fucking crush you between my fingers, who do you think you are?!" He then unexpectedly reached out, grabbed Hiki by his collar, and pulled him up. Howl’s jacket fell onto the ground.  
“His jacket…!” Hiki gasped. “Don’t touch me, you big jerk!” Hiki shouted boldly.  
"He’s got some balls to call you a big jerk, Matsu," one of his friends exclaimed stunned while the other one cackled.  
Hiki regretted having opened his mouth.  
"You little fucker," the man, still holding Hiki by his collar tightly, growled and suddenly raised his fist.  
With the bench right behind him and the three hooligans in front of him, his range of motion was extremely limited. There was nothing he could do, so Hiki just squinted his eyes in expectation of the massive guy’s fist to meet his face.  
"Hey, asshole!!” A dark voice growled loudly from behind and made the three drunkards turn around. “Let go of him _now_ , or I swear-"   
"Harada-san!" Hiki shouted. He was worried that they would attack him too, but at the same time, he was relieved to see him.  
"Who the fuck are you? His boyfriend?” The man said mockingly and laughed.   
“Yeah! Got a problem with that?” Howl replied provokingly.   
“Yuck!” The drunkard let go of Hiki and stepped back. “Disgusting!”  
"Come on Matsu, let's go," one of his sidekicks said. “You might catch something if you get too close.”  
"Yeah, let's leave and get more Sake," the other one agreed, and both started walking away from the scene. Before their leader followed suit he spat at Hiki’s feet, "Disgusting fag," he cursed and glared at Hiki before roughly shoving him down onto the bench and following after his friends.  
"Hey!” Howl shouted and rushed over to look after Hiki. “I’m gonna teach that guy a lesson,” he growled and started to go after the swaying drunkards, but Hiki held him back.   
“It’s okay, really. Nothing happened. But your jacket… I’m sorry, it got dirty!” Hiki bent over, picked it up, and brushed off some dirt.   
“Who cares about a stupid jacket…?” Howl took it from Hiki and placed it on the bench before he sat down next to him and gently took Hiki’s chin between his thumb and his index finger to move his face around and get a better look at it. "He didn't hurt you, did he?"  
Hiki swallowed heavily as he looked into Howl’s blue eyes. “N-No. I’m sorry for causing you trouble.”   
"No, I’m the one who’s sorry for leaving you here," Howl replied with a gentle voice.  
"I… I'm fine, really. Nothing happened." Hiki's heart was pounding.  
“I can’t believe that this animal spat on you… I should go and-”  
“No, you shouldn’t. Not worth it, and I hate violence. I can’t stand when people hurt each other. They were just drunk, that’s it. They could be really nice guys when they’re sober…”  
“Someone who says or does things like that, drunk or not, can’t be a nice guy.”  
“You mean that they called me a fag?”  
Howl nodded and let go of Hiki’s face. Just like the last time, the place where he had touched felt hot.   
“You didn’t mind that they thought you were gay?”  
“Why would I? There’s nothing wrong with that.”  
“Oh, are… Are you actually gay?” Hiki asked, but then flinched in realization. “I-I’m sorry, that’s none of my business! That was very intrusive, I apologize!”  
Howl chuckled. “It’s fine. Oh, right!” He suddenly got up, walked over to where he had come from, and picked up two big plastic bags from the ground. He brought them to Hiki and spread out their content on the bench. “I dropped these when I thought I might have to fight those idiots, but the food is still good…”  
"Harada-san, what did you-… Wow, so much food! But why…?"  
"Well, it's my first matsuri, so why not just try everything?" He smiled.   
“Good thinking,” Hiki grinned. “Harada-san, would you really have fought them? To protect me?”  
Howl nodded earnestly. “See, I don’t like violence either, but there are moments in life that require you to do things you normally wouldn’t do. Have I been in a fistfight before? Heck no, I’m an IT guy after all,” he winked, smirking over his own joke about stereotypes. “Would I have fought those guys in order to protect _you_? Definitely.”  
“Because that’s what friends do?” Hiki asked.   
“...Sure… Anyhow, I brought you here because I thought there would be no one here, it's nice to have some privacy.”  
“How did you know where to go?” Hiki wondered.   
“Well, I was in this area for work last week. I drove by this park in between appointments and decided to get some fresh air. So I parked and went for a walk. I remembered that there were benches around and you don’t seem to like big crowds, so… I thought you’d feel more comfortable over here. I hope you don't mind that we kind of left the matsuri..."  
"...That's very thoughtful of you, Harada-san. Thank you..." Hiki was too happy for words and he smiled at Howl broadly, who slightly blushed and cleared his throat.  
“So, what do you want to have first?” he asked, changing the topic.   
Hiki looked at the spread before him. There was everything he had been craving earlier, and more… “All of it,” he sparkled, which was their cue to dig in.  
"Dif if fo goog, ifmp ip Hawada-fun," Hiki munched.  
Howl chuckled. "Yes, it's delicious. We can try some sweets later, too."  
“Ah, talking about sweets!” Hiki remembered the cookies, turned around, grabbed the box from his backpack, handed it to Howl, and smiled.  
"What is this?"  
"Open it! I made them last night. You said you liked them, right?"  
Howl opened the box and the smell of the delicious looking, homemade chocolate chip cookies tickled his nostrils. "Your cookies! Thank you, Ueda-kun! That's better than any festival food," he smiled wholeheartedly.  
Hiki blushed. "M-My pleasure," he replied shyly and continued eating. 

"Jeez, I'm so full... Thanks for the meal! But... there’s so much left over…" Hiki noticed when they were done.  
“That’s true, I guess I overdid it a bit, huh… Well, how about we meet again tomorrow and finish them together?" Howl suggested. "We can buy some sweets to take home for dessert as well because let's be real, those cookies won't survive the night."  
"Sure, I'd love to!" Hiki sparkled, overjoyed. “Oh, but… Where should we meet? We can’t eat the food at Jiji’s… Maybe a pickn-”   
“Wanna come over to my place? Meeting at yours would be inappropriate since your father is a client of mine...”   
“Sure, I could just take the train…”   
“I can pick you up and bring you back home. No sneaking out again, please."   
“But that’s an hour drive each way… That means you’d spend four hours driving… On your day off at that. No, no, no. No way.”   
“I don’t mind, though… Two of those four hours, I’d spend with you after all...”   
Hiki blushed. “I-I could ask Sasara-san… He’s our driver and guard.”   
“Didn’t you say you hate walking around with a guard?”   
“I’m not walking around, technically,” Hiki smiled. “He’d wait in the car.”   
“Okay. That’s settled then. I’m already looking forward to seeing you again… Even though you’re right next to me… Isn’t that weird,” Howl chuckled.   
“M-M-Me too!” Hiki stuttered flustered. He was ecstatic at the thought of visiting Howl’s place.   
The two of them packed everything up and headed back to the matsuri, where they continued to have a great time together.   
At one booth, Hiki managed to catch two goldfish, but as the booth owner handed him his prize, he realized that he had no idea what to do with them. “We aren’t allowed to have pets…” he said while holding up the bag, looking at them with a sad expression. “I wonder if I can return them…”   
"Well, I have a tank at home, I could just add them to it if you like. You could come over to visit them any time," Howl offered.   
“Really? That’s awesome, thanks!” Hiki rejoiced but then he suddenly giggled.   
“What is it?”   
“It’s like we have kids together and share custody. I mean, if we were a couple… Which we obviously aren’t!”   
“Wouldn’t that mean that we separated?”   
“Um, I guess…”   
“I don’t like that thought,” Howl said and looked at Hiki in a way the boy couldn’t interpret .   
As they were strolling around, it had gotten late and families had left the matsuri which, to Hiki’s delight, meant that the place was less crowded.   
“Harada-san, let’s get some cotton candy,” Hiki suggested, now that the queues weren’t as long as before.   
“Sure! But Ueda-kun… Would you mind calling me by my first name? I don’t think there’s a need to be so formal.”   
“Huh?! Y-Your first name?!” Hiki asked flustered. "H-... Howl-san…?" He blushed intensely.   
Howl chuckled. "Just Howl would be fine, but if you insist on the ‘san’, I'll let you use it for now."   
“You can call me Hiki then,” he smiled.   
“Alright, Hiki-kun.”   
The red color of Hiki’s cheeks intensified. “J-Just Hiki is fine…”   
“If you’re using the san, I’m gonna use the kun,” Howl replied and looked at his watch. He had been doing that for a while now and Hiki wondered if he was actually bored and wanted to go home.   
After they got some sweets as a dessert for the next day, Howl looked at his watch again and flinched.   
“Ah, dang it. Hiki-kun, it's almost time! Come on, this way! Hurry,” he said, taking Hiki’s hand as they rushed over the matsuri ground. It felt like deja-vu, but this time, they were almost running. Hiki had a hard time keeping up with his pace and he was confused as to where Howl was taking him now that the big crowd wasn’t a problem anymore, but he followed the man diligently. They left the matsuri and followed a path that led through the park surrounding the matsuri ground. "Hiki-kun, remember how I told you that I spent some time here the other day between appointments," he huffed as they left the path and walked through the woods. "I was lost in thoughts, walked past the park's border into this little forest and found this beautiful place… I wanted to show you..." Howl explained as they entered a huge, circle-shaped glade. It was a remote area with no other people around, from where they had a perfect view of the night sky. It was a full moon and the stars were shining bright. Howl put down the bags with their food and the prizes he was carrying with his left, Hiki’s hand still in his right. It was only then, that Hiki noticed that the ground was covered in beautiful blue flowers.   
“It looks like the ocean… Howl-san… This place is magical…” he gasped.   
"Right? It was beautiful by day already, but now with the full moon… And I'm glad we made it in time," Howl smiled as they stepped to the middle of the glade.  
"Why did you bring me here?" Hiki asked, still confused. Howl looked at his watch again.  
"Ah, it's midnight... Look!" He pointed up.  
Suddenly, lights started flashing, followed by loud bangs and crackling sounds. The sky sparkled in all kinds of colors. Orange, green, yellow, red, pink, blue…  
"Ah, I forgot… The hanabi!" Hiki stared at the fireworks with the brightest smile on his face and his eyes wide opened in awe. "Isn’t it beautiful, Howl-san!"  
"Breathtaking…"  
“It’s even better from here, without any people arou-” Hiki started, but then paused when he looked over to Howl to see that his eyes were completely fixated on him. "Y-You're not looking… You're gonna miss out on it…"  
Looking into Hiki’s big eyes that were reflecting the sparkles from the night sky, Howl felt his heart jumping into his throat. "Ahhh, screw this," he suddenly growled and let go of Hiki’s hand. "I can't do this friend thing, it's impossible."  
Hiki was shocked to the core by those words. "Did… Did I do something wrong? I’m sorry if I did!"   
"Hikkun…” Howl stumbled over his words. He turned towards Hiki to face him directly and placed his hands on the petrified boy’s shoulders. “I can't hold back anymore. I'm so sorry, I don't want to ruin what’s between us, but…"  
"Howl-san..." _Please don’t vanish from my life again_ … _I’ve never been happier_ , Hiki thought frantically.   
Both started their next sentence simultaneously and just when the fireworks stopped, Howl blurted out a loud and passionate:  
"I LOVE YOU,” while Hiki shouted an equally passionate “I LIKE YOU!!” at the exact same moment.  
"Wait, what?" Hiki asked, shocked. "You love me? I thought you were about to break all ties with me…!"  
"Why would I break all ties with you, we get along great! You’re the most amazing person I've ever met! That’s why I don't want to ruin everything, but I just can't help my feelings... I love you. From the beginning, I _really, really_ liked you, not only in an amicable way but also in a _romantic_ way! But I figured that my feelings wouldn’t be mutual. It would’ve been broad of me to assume that you’re interested in me in _that_ way. I mean, what are the odds?! So I thought I’d be fine with things as they were… Just being friends with you. But I have fallen so hard for you, I can’t hold back my true feelings anymore. And since you’re very kind-hearted, I hoped you'd understand and maybe accept it, even though you don’t return those feelings."  
"B-But I have those kinds of feelings for you too! It was just the other way around in my case. I thought my feelings towards you were amicable, but I’ve realized that how I felt couldn’t be just mere friendship. Just a moment ago, when I thought you’d tell me that you don’t want to see me again, I felt as if I’d break. This feeling… I can’t even describe it, I just know that I don’t want to ever feel it again. Every time you’ve touched me, I thought I’d melt. Every time you’re close to me, my heart is beating so strongly, it’s hard to bear. It’s painful but in a very, very good way… If that makes sense. I think about you all the time, Howl-san, and I’m always counting the minutes to when I see or talk to you again. I don’t think I have ever felt that safe and secure in my whole life,” Hiki confessed. “I mean, I don’t have any friends except for Kai, but I don’t want him to hold my hand or want to be near him all the time. Or…” Hiki’s gaze wandered from Howl’s eyes down to his lips. “I’ve never wished for him to kiss me…”   
Hiki couldn’t believe how bold he was being, driven by the romance and the happiness from this unforeseen serendipity. His heart was pounding painfully again as Howl leaned in for the kiss Hiki was so desperately longing for. They closed their eyes and the boy’s mind went blank when he felt Howl's hot breath on his skin right before their lips softly touched.   
After a few seconds, they parted with a soft smack. Howl looked at Hiki for a moment, who was just standing there, still caught up in that moment with his eyes closed, bright red cheeks, and his lips still slightly puckered. Howl smiled lovingly, placed another kiss on Hiki's forehead, and embraced him tenderly. Hiki could feel Howl's heartbeat, which was just as fast as his own. He reflexively returned the gesture and clung onto him, his face buried into Howl's chest.   
"It's funny…" Hiki suddenly started speaking after a while, still held by Howl tightly. "I actually never thought that I’d experience something like this. I never fell in love or had a crush on anyone before. But here I am now, head over heels for you…”   
“I promise I'll do my very best to make you happy, Hikkun," Howl replied.   
“Hikkun…” Hiki giggled. “Howl, you made me the happiest person already by taking my first kiss.”   
"I want to take all your firsts, and I hope I’ll have all your lasts as well." Howl tightened his grip around Hiki, who had a hard time holding back his tears. He had cried often in his life, but it was the first time he wanted to cry from sheer happiness. 

They stayed there for a while longer, holding each other tightly in silence, only listening to their hearts beating in unison.


	3. The Condo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Genkan: The place at the entrance door where you take off and leave your shoes in Japan before entering someone's home.  
> Wakame: Algae salad

Hiki was on cloud nine after their kiss. Howl had brought him home, but as agreed upon, he dropped him off at a secure distance, so they wouldn't be spotted.  
"Goodnight, Howl. Thank you for all the wonderful memories..." Hiki blushed but smiled.  
"Definitely my pleasure," Howl answered, returning his smile. He caressed Hiki's cheek and kissed him again. He then walked over to the trunk and took out the bike. Hiki sat on it and looked back at Howl, who was standing next to his car, wishing they wouldn't have to part.   
"Goodnight, Hikkun," he said. "Be safe, send me a message when you’re back in your room so I know you’re okay.”   
“Will do. Goodnight…”   
“See you tomorrow."  
“Yeah… Bye…” Hiki huffed and with a heavy heart, he left. “Woah!” He suddenly staggered as he started riding and almost fell.   
“Hikkun,” Howl shouted and wanted to run over to him, but Hiki stopped him.   
“I’m okayyy,” he replied. He was incredibly glad that Howl couldn’t see his flushed face as he continued his ride home.   
Hiki felt dizzy. That man's lips had bedazzled him completely, and while he was on his way through the huge garden back to the house, Hiki replayed their date in his mind. Suddenly he stopped walking, blushed hard, and covered his face with his hands. "We kissed...! Twice!! And he said he loved me," he squealed quietly. Overwhelmed by all those feelings, Hiki wanted to jump around and scream, but he pulled himself together and continued walking.

Back inside he stopped by at his brother’s room, but before entering, he sent a message to Howl.   
[Returned home safely, please be safe too and let me know when you’re back home.]  
His heart still pounding and dancing on cloud nine, Hiki took a deep breath to calm down before he knocked and entered Hajime’s room. Of course, the couple was already waiting for him.  
“Hey, Hiki! How was it? Did you guys have fun?” Kai asked. The boys were lying on Hajime’s bed, apparently watching a movie, but Hajime had paused it.   
Hiki sat down on the sofa across the big bed and wanted to start talking, but suddenly broke out in tears. He wiped them away but they just kept flowing. He couldn’t help it and felt ridiculous. “Ah, I’m sorry… Stupid…” he sobbed.   
“Woah, Hiki, what the…” Kai jumped up and rushed over to his friend to comfort him. He sat down next to Hiki and placed his hand on his friend’s back. “What happened? Did he say something mean?”  
“Niichan, what did he do to you,” Hajime growled as he scooted over to the edge of his bed and stood up, looking as if he was ready to murder someone.   
Hiki frantically shook his head. He wanted to say something, but the tears didn’t stop.   
“Did you realize that you have a crush on him and now you’re afraid you might ruin the friendship?” Kai asked bluntly.  
Again, Hiki shook his head and finally calmed down enough to be able to speak. “How did you know that I had a crush on him…?”  
“Well, it’s pretty obvious…”  
“It is?” Hiki sniffled. “But I wasn’t even aware of it myself…”  
“Then… How do you know now?”  
Hiki took a deep breath and exhaled slowly before he started smiling so broadly, it startled the couple.  
“He said he loved me, and we kissed!” He inhaled to tell them the whole story but got interrupted by his brother.   
“He what?! Are you serious?!”  
“So he’s gay?” Kai asked.   
“I don’t really know…” Hiki replied innocently.   
“Are _you_ gay? Or bi? Wow... I’m just realizing that we’ve never talked about your sexual identity and you never mentioned having a crush on someone before…”  
“I don’t know what I am, I never thought about it. There was no room in my life for stuff like that before, but I guess that gender doesn’t matter to me. I don’t like him and find him attractive because he’s a man. It’s because he is who he is… If that makes sense _…_ And guess what! He invited me over to his place tomorrow! I’m so excited to see his home!”  
“Well, I'm happy that your feelings are mutual, Hiki," Kaito said smiling, trying to be supportive, even though he didn’t quite get his friend.  
“It _doesn’t_ make sense, Niichan! This is complete bullshit,” Hajime barked.   
“Hajime!” Kaito glared at his boyfriend.  
Hiki just stared at his brother in confusion. He seemed so angry, which wasn’t like him at all. “I’ve listened to this nonsense for long enough! Niichan, you’re not gonna see him again! If you try, I’m gonna tell father.”  
“Huh?! Why?”   
“Am I the only one here who thinks that this whole thing is super shady? That stranger showed up to an appointment with father, then saw you and randomly gave you his number, sweet-talked you into going to the matsuri with him where he suddenly confessed his love to you? His _love_!? After he’s seen you like two times? That’s ridiculous! He’s obviously up to something, Niichan! The moment he saw you and noticed how vulnerable and easy to manipulate you are, he probably came up with the plan to infiltrate the Ueda group by using you… Or something like that. And you just naively fell for it, opening up to him, when you won’t even open up to me and Kai…!”  
“He hasn’t seen me in person that often, I’ll give you that. But we’ve talked on the phone a lot and he’s not that kind of guy! You don’t even know him, you’re unfair…! And even though I'm a shut-in, that doesn't make me a naive potential victim! I'm just quiet, not stupid! Plus, I've told you before that I don't want to talk about the things that happened back then in detail, I have my reasons for that!" Hiki replied, standing up for himself.  
Hajime and Kai were a bit startled, they didn't know this side of their friend yet. Hiki was normally someone who would stay silent and swallow down his true feelings to avoid any possible conflict. So this situation was new to them.   
“You sound like a lovestruck teenager,” Hajime scoffed.   
“I _am_ a teenager! And so are you, so don’t act as if you know everything.”  
“Niichan, just think logically for a minute. How can he know you enough after such a short time to develop such deep feelings?! Niichan, there’s obviously something very wrong with that guy, just think about it, why would he like you?”  
“Right… Why would he like someone like me...”  
“No, that’s not what I meant, I-”  
“Forget it, you’re right. I’ll go and tell him that we won’t meet again because my stupid little brother is gonna rat me out to our father,” Hiki grumbled with teary eyes, got up, and rushed out of the room.  
“Niichan, wait…!”  
“Hajime, what the hell is wrong with you?” Kaito scolded his boyfriend and kept him from following his brother. “You’re such a dumbass sometimes!“  
“I didn’t want to start a fight, okay? I admit that I should’ve chosen my words better. What I meant was, why would that guy like him if he’s not gay?! This is all so odd…!”  
“Who says he’s not gay? Have you asked him? We don't know what he is and it’s actually none of our business! And you know what’s odd too? For a boy’s childhood friend and his little brother to discover one day that they’re in love! That can be a very odd situation, but he’s always been supportive of us, and never made us feel weird or bad about it or said anything mean! He always listens to our couple’s problems even though he had so much to deal with himself…”  
“Which we didn’t know of, because he never said anything.”  
“Doesn’t matter. Pull yourself together, Hajime. You’re being impulsive and judgemental towards someone you haven’t even met! And he can’t be that bad of a guy, have you seen your brother lately? Because I’ve never seen him this cheerful and smiley _ever_ in the past 14 years. What if your first instinct after talking to that man on the phone was correct and he’s a great guy who will treasure him? I mean you all were raised to be suspicious towards everyone. Actually, that includes me, they always told us how to be careful towards strangers because they might harm us because of group-related stuff. We’ve been taught to watch out for red flags in people’s behavior and all that, right? With Hiki’s extreme shyness on top of that, it’s a miracle that he opened up to that man, I think it says a _lot_. So are you gonna be supportive and stand by Hiki’s side, be happy with him, or are you gonna be a dick and push him away with your stubbornness?”  
“...What if he breaks Niichan’s heart…?”  
“We’re gonna be there for him if that happens, of course. But you can’t tell him to stay away from someone he cares about, just because they might not make it as a couple in the end. Imagine if he wouldn’t have encouraged us to give it a try… Hajime, he really needs us right now to help him deal with his emotions and this unknown situation. So please stop behaving like an overprotective jerk.”  
“Okay, okay. I know, you’re right, Tocchan. I really should apologize.”   
“Alright, let’s go and be there for him.” Kai took his boyfriend’s hand and they went over to Hiki’s room.  
He was lying on his bed curled up in a ball, crying quietly with his back directing towards them. Hajime’s heart throbbed. “Niichan, I’m so, so sorry! I didn’t mean that he can’t like you because of who you are as a person. I meant that if he’s not gay, how can he just love a guy… But we don’t actually know that he’s not, so… Dammit, I was just being stupid,” he exclaimed frustratedly. “I’m just so worried about you! I couldn’t protect you from _her_ , I want to do better now, but I overdid it and went too far.”  
“Hacchan…” Hiki sniffled, turned around, and sat up, his eyes red and swollen. “You couldn’t have protected me from her, I don’t know how often I have to tell you this…” He wiped his face with the sleeves of his sweater before Kai handed him a tissue box. “Thanks. You know… For a while, he made me forget about her… He made me forget about all the bad things from the past. About the heaviness and sadness I still carry in my heart… But not only did he make me forget about it, I was also genuinely happy. So… My heart hurts when I think about telling him that we can’t meet again… I don’t know what to even tell him… You deserve better? I’m not worthy of your love or to feel happy? Never mind when I said that I like you and why…?”  
Kai sat down on the bed next to his friend and caressed his back. “It’s okay, Hiki. You don’t have to do that.”  
“But Hacchan said…”  
“Niichan, I didn’t mean it! I wouldn’t rat you out like that, do you really think that low of me?”  
“No, but you’re not acting like yourself today… I thought you’d be happy for me, but instead...”  
“We got your back, okay? Both of us, promise.” Kai said. “So go and meet him tomorrow and have lots of fun.”  
Hiki shook his head. “I’ll just keep the memory of him in my heart. If he’s just faking it, after all, it’s better to stop seeing him. And if he’s honest about his feelings, it’s better for him. I only cause trouble for people.”  
“I feel like you’re looking for a reason to end this. You might not be very sociable, but you’re not an idiot. You’ve grown up around bad guys, right? Don’t you think you’d know if he was like them?” Kai smiled. “I’m sure his feelings are honest, for the simple reason that you’re very lovable, sweet, and kind. Hanging out with you is fun, you don’t judge people and you’re a freaking great friend.”  
“And brother,” Hajime added smiling.   
“Thanks, guys, but… Would I make a good boyfriend? I’ve never done this before...”  
“Oh, I get it now,” Kai nodded thoughtfully. “But there isn’t anything you have to do. Just listen to your heart, let him love you, and love him back. The rest is gonna happen naturally, trust me.” Kai smiled at Hiki again, and he finally returned the gesture. “Do you feel a bit better?”  
Hiki nodded.   
“Okay, then why don’t you tell us what happened at the matsuri and we’ll tell you what we think about him afterwards. Because we’re obviously gonna judge him, he’s after our Hiki after all,” Kaito grinned.”I want to hear all about him.”   
Hiki didn’t need to be asked twice. He immediately started telling them everything that happened. He left out the drunkards though, knowing how Hajime would react to that.   
  
“...And then we confessed at the same time! It was magical! Like in a romantic movie,” he swooned. “...Then he kissed me and hugged me for a long time…! His heart was beating so strongly, I could feel it… And the kiss wasn’t awkward or anything!”   
“Wow, so romantic! The glade, the full moon, fireworks, the confession,” Kai sighed dreamily.   
“I know, right? When he dropped me off, we kissed again and he invited me over to his place tomorrow. I wonder if we’re gonna kiss again..." Hiki grinned and covered his blushing face with his hands.  
“Doesn’t he live in Tokyo? How are you gonna get there,” Hajime, who had taken a seat on the office chair by Hiki’s desk, asked.   
“I’ll have to ask Sasara-san to drive me. Howl offered to pick me up and drive me back home, but I don’t want him to be on the road for four hours…”  
“Sasara is gonna tell father. You know that they have orders to tell him whenever they’re taking us somewhere…”  
“I’ll come up with an excuse…”  
“Niichan, that Howl guy is working with father, so he knows everything about him, including his address...”  
“Right… Dammit, I didn’t think about that. I guess I’ll have to cancel, after all, I don’t want father to think that Howl is untrustworthy because he’s meeting up with his son behind his back. Even if we were just friends, it would put him in a bad light.”  
“No need to cancel. Tell me his address,” Hajime said and pulled out his phone from his back jeans pocket, while Hiki took Howl’s business card from his nightstand and handed it to him. His younger brother typed the address into his phone. “Hmm…” He thought for a moment. “Ah! Nice!”  
“Hacchan, what is it? What’re you doing?”   
“The location of his apartment is perfect, it’s just around the corner from a shopping alley…!” He showed his phone to Hiki and grinned smugly while the other two just stared at him, utterly clueless. “Guys, come on! Don’t be so dense, isn’t it obvious? Kai and I are gonna ask Sasara to drive us to the shopping alley! I’ll just say there’s a certain arcade I wanna visit or something. You can tag along and sneak away, over to that guy’s place. We can kill some time at the arcade until you’re done. Why do you keep staring at me? Was it a bad idea?”  
“No, Hajime, that’s actually brilliant! Hiki, what do you think?”  
“B-But didn’t you want to visit the matsuri tomorrow? It’s your only weekend off for the next few weeks, right…?”  
“Well I’m off next Saturday, but we’ll have our annual picnic. Skipping that is not an option, it’s our tradition. There will be another matsuri in the summer, and helping you out is much more important than a stupid festival anyway,” Kai said. “Wait, also, why don’t we have a double date next weekend? I want to meet him, I’m super curious!”  
Hiki looked at Hajime questioningly. “Is it okay to bring him to our picnic?”  
“I wouldn’t mind. Ask him.” His brother smiled.   
“Guys, you’re awesome! I will ask him!”  
“I’ll go downstairs and see if Sasara is still here. If not, I’ll text him,” Hajime said and turned around to leave, but then stopped.   
“Niichan… Again, I’m sorry. I said some mean things. I hate our mother for what she did to you, I know that’s the reason you to think about yourself the way you do. And I get why you don’t wanna talk about it. But just know that you’re awesome and that guy is lucky that you like him back,” he said and rushed out.   
“He can be so cute,” Kai said and giggled. “Are you going to be okay, Hiki?”  
He nodded. “Sorry for my outburst, it was childish…”   
“No, it’s understandable. It triggered bad feelings in you, which is absolutely not your fault.” Kai said and hugged his best friend. “Are you okay?”  
“Yeah. I’m happy… I really really like him a lot.” Hiki sparkled.   
“You didn’t confess your love to him, right? Because you keep saying that you _like_ him...”  
“No, I didn’t tell him that I love him.”  
“Why not? You sound like you do…”  
“Well, I’ve never been in love, so I don’t know what it feels like. I don’t want to use a word that I don’t know the meaning of, he deserves better. I want to mean it when I say it and to understand what I’m saying,” Hiki explained.   
Kai stared at his friend silently for a moment before he replied. “Good thinking. I’m proud of you, Hiki,” he said.   
Hiki giggled a bit confused. “Thanks…” He smiled.   
The two boys then changed the subject and talked more about their scheme for the next day until Hajime came back. He had successfully notified their driver about their plans, and he and Kai went back to Hajime’s room and Hiki went to get ready for bed. 

He had a hard time falling asleep because his heart just wouldn't calm down. But he finally did, and when he woke up the next day, he felt happier than ever. The trio met downstairs for breakfast, which they had in the big dining room, served by a maid. Hiki often wished that they could have meals like a normal family how he had seen it on TV as a kid, but they had staff for everything, and he rarely saw his other family members, except for Hajime. Hiki also didn’t like being in common rooms in their house, because there were always strangers hanging around. Mostly some Kyodai he didn’t know, which made being at home stressful for him. Hiki knew that they didn’t see him as a ‘real man’ due to his frail appearance, so they looked down on him, sometimes making rude remarks.   
Hiki’s own room, Hajime’s room, and his little hideout in the garden were the only places where he felt comfortable. He was thinking of spending the time before they left in the garden but decided to play videogames with Kai and Hajime instead, as a distraction from his excitement. Which, of course, didn’t work at all.   
At 1 p.m., they finally went to the plaza in front of the house where Sasara was already waiting for them in a big black luxurious car. 

About two hours later, he dropped the three off at the arcade and unexpectedly wanted to go inside with them, which caused a short moment of distress for the boys. Normally when they went to Tokyo, he waited in the car, since it wasn’t as dangerous there for them as in Meishu. After they assured him that it would be fine to wait outside, he agreed grumbling, so eventually, Hiki was able to sneak away.   
From there, he used his phone to navigate through the streets, over to Howl’s place.   
But when the app showed him that Hiki had arrived at his destination, he was confused.   
"This looks like an office building and not an apartment building," he mumbled to himself as he looked up the big skyscraper with the glass window front. He shrugged it off, walked over to the huge glass door, and just entered. He stepped into a spacious, fancy-looking hall with four elevators on the right and a large reception desk on the left. A massive plant was placed in front of the window, and a small waiting area with black leather seats and a water dispenser was next to it. A tall man was standing next to the elevators; Hiki assumed he was the lift boy or something like that.   
"Can I help you, Sir?" A friendly voice, coming from behind the desk, echoed through the empty hall.  
"Oh, um..." Hiki approached the receptionist, a smiling, young-looking woman with short black hair.  
"It's Sunday, so the offices are closed," she explained. “If you come back tomorrow…”  
"My name is Ueda, I-I'm here to visit Harada-san. He gave me this address… Do you know where I can find him?" Hiki assumed that Howl might have had some work-related things to take care of during their meeting and that’s why they met at his office. He was a little disappointed since he was looking forward to seeing his home. But Hiki was just happy to spend time with him, it didn’t really matter where, after all.  
"Ah, you want to see Harada-san, I should have guessed. You can find him on the top floor, please excuse me for a moment." She took the phone from her desk and dialed a number. “Harada-san, there’s a young man asking to see you, should Ando-s… Okay. He’s going to bring him upstairs, have a nice day,” she said and then leaned to the left and called out to the lift boy. "Ando-san, this young man wants to visit Harada-san. Would you take him upstairs, please?"  
"Sure," the man of stately size replied briefly.   
Hiki thanked the woman and walked over to the elevator on the far left where the man was standing. He pulled out a card from his pocket, pressed it against a small black screen next to the door and it opened. They stepped inside, and there was another small black screen right next to the floor buttons. The man scanned the card again, the door closed and the elevator started moving upwards.   
“Wh-What is this… If I may ask…” Hiki pointed at the smaller screen.   
“The only way to reach the top floor. It’s private,” the man answered briefly.  
“Private? I see… Um… What floor is his office on? I mean, you didn’t press a button...” Hiki asked, a little confused.   
“The office is closed on Sundays. This is a private elevator that’s automatically going to the top floor once I scanned the card. It’s the 38th.”  
“Th-The 38th floor?” Hiki swallowed heavily.   
“Scared of heights?” the man asked and Hiki slowly nodded. His palms felt sweaty and his heart was pounding. He wished it was because of Howl, but Hiki was severely acrophobic, and the ride upwards seemed to be taking forever. But then the silver doors finally opened, and the lift boy, who was actually a tree trunk of a man, pointed to the left. "Over there," he grunted.  
"Th-Thank you," Hiki bowed and rushed out into the hallway, which was completely covered in beautiful black marble. Hiki took a deep breath to calm down. _At least there are no windows here_ , he thought. On his left was a white entrance door with a number panel right next to the doorbell, but no visible keyhole. On the opposite side was an office door made of glass, but the office looked empty. "Weird," Hiki said to himself. _So he lives in an office?_  
He was just about to knock when the door suddenly opened.  
"Hi," Howl greeted him, smiling. Hiki's heart skipped a beat.  
"H-Hi," he blushed, excited and happy to see him.  
"Come in, please make yourself at home."  
Hiki stepped inside and took off his shoes at the genkan. Howl took his light jacket and hung it up in a wardrobe next to the door.  
“It’s getting really warm outside, but you still need a jacket?” he asked.   
“I’m a bit sensitive to temperatures. I didn’t know that we’re meeting at your office, after all, you didn’t say anything,” Hiki addressed the situation.  
“Oh, this isn’t my office, it’s my home. This is an office building, but I asked the owners if they would sell the whole top floor to me so that I could turn it into a condominium. I spent so much time at the office two floors below, that I thought it’d be more convenient.” He shrugged. “Took some bargaining, but they eventually agreed. As soon as I got permission for the construction works, this part of the floor was converted into an apartment. The rest is still an office, though. I don't need that much space, and I'm not sure what to do with it yet, so I'll just leave it as it is for now," he explained as they were walking down the hallway. At the end of it was a huge room that, given the furniture, was serving as a living room and dining room. The room was fairly bare. On the left side were some black cupboards, a large aquarium, and a dining table made of glass with a chrome frame along with two black leather chairs. To the right, there was a black leather sofa, a coffee table made of glass with chrome as well, and a flat-screen TV hanging on the wall.   
On the right side, the living room opened into another hallway, with several rooms branching off from there.  
“It’s so big,” Hiki huffed. “Ah…” he suddenly froze as he noticed the outer walls, which consisted of big windows that reached from the ceiling to the floor and offered an unrestricted view of the Tokyo skyline. He took a step back and Howl placed a big hand on Hiki’s back comfortingly.  
“Are you scared of heights, Hikkun?”  
 _Hikkun_ , Hiki dreamily repeated inside his head and felt as if he was melting as he thought back to their confession when Howl had stumbled over his words in the heat of the moment and called him Hikkun instead of Hiki-kun. Apparently, that was his nickname for him now, and he loved it.  
“I-I am, actually…” he replied. Suddenly, Howl leaned in and placed a long, soft kiss on the startled boy’s lips.   
“W-Why did you kiss me all of a sudden?” he asked, as red as a firetruck.   
“Right, you’ve never been in a relationship before, so you’re not used to this type of affection. Couples do things like this...”  
“C-Couples…? Right, we’re dating…” Hiki’s heart skipped a beat.  
“We are, so kissing is normal… Plus, you forgot about your fear of heights, didn’t you?”  
“Fear of... Oh! Right,” Hiki giggled because he actually did forget about the windows.   
"Can I offer you anything? Water? Tea?" Howl then asked as he led him over to the sofa where they sat down.  
"No, thanks, I'm good... I’m really impressed by all of this. Your determination is admirable. Making an office into a living space..."  
"Well, if I have a goal, I give my all to achieve it. It took a whole year to get all the permissions, but the construction was completed pretty quickly, which was great. I hired the company of my assistant's son and they did a great job. I can’t believe that it’s been three years already…”  
 _Three years_ , Hiki thought, shocked. Howl’s home looked so bare, as if he had just moved in and didn’t have the time to furnish and decorate everything yet.   
“How about I show you around before we start eating?"  
Hiki nodded. "Yes, please, I would love to see everything.”   
They got up and Howl took his hand. Hiki’s heart skipped a beat again.  
"Well, this is obviously the living room with the dining area over there. Oh and the aquarium. Your goldfish are still in quarantine to see if they're healthy, though. If they have any diseases, they would infect my other fish, so they have their own tank in the kitchen for the next few weeks."  
"Oh, I see. It's beautiful, I think they will love it there," Hiki smiled.  
"This is the kitchen. It's pretty minimalistic," Howl said as they walked over to the room that was on the left of the entrance hallway. "The big service hatch was the architect's idea. He said it would make the apartment look more open," Howl shrugged and pointed at a huge opening in the wall right next to the kitchen entrance.   
Hiki was in total awe. “Such a big kitchen,” he huffed.   
“You like cooking?”  
“I love it! Unfortunately, our chef hates when someone is using it. Actually, no one is ever allowed in her kitchen. I occasionally sneak in, but it’s risky, so I just watch cooking shows and read cooking books and such…”  
“So you broke the rules to make those cookies, huh…”  
Hiki giggled. “That sounds as if I’m a rebellious teenager when it’s actually the opposite.”  
“I don’t know about that. Sneaking out, using the forbidden kitchen, dating another man in secret… You seem quite like the delinquent to me,” Howl said jokingly.   
“Yeah, they should send me to a reformatory,” Hiki giggled. “But looking at your kitchen, it doesn’t seem well equipped, so I assume you’re not someone who likes to cook…”  
“I hate it. I mostly eat out or order in. My dining table is practically just decoration, I never use it. Only when my sister is staying here during a visit and we eat together, but otherwise it’s useless. I eat on the sofa while working or watching TV... Mostly at the office though, since I spend most of my time there. Even though I love and appreciate good food, eating alone is no joy anyway, just a necessity," Howl answered. “But hey, how about you use _my_ kitchen? I mean, feel free to whenever you want…”  
"R-Really?" Hiki looked at him with big puppy eyes.   
“Well, I won’t complain about a home-cooked meal,” Howl grinned. “I hope you’ll visit me a lot once University starts since T-Uni is right around the corner.”  
Hiki gasped. “It is? I had no idea…”  
“It’s about 15 minutes by foot if you use the shortcut through the park… I go for runs there every day. It’s a nice area in general. Everything you need is in range. Stores, the park, Uni, a hospital, even the Zoo isn’t far from here. We can visit all of them together…”  
“I would love to! Well, except for the hospital. Let’s skip that one,” Hiki giggled.   
Howl chuckled as he realized. “Good idea.”  
They continued their little tour and moved over to the long corridor on the other side of the room. On the left of it was only one door, which Howl opened. "This is the master bedroom. Those two doors over there, he pointed to the left, lead to the dressing room and a bathroom."   
The room was very big too, but just as before there wasn’t much in it. A double bed and an armchair, that sat at the wall between the two doors.   
“Is that a fireplace by the chair?” Hiki asked and pointed at the wall.   
“Yeah, it’s one that works with gas. I never use it though. Again, it was my architect’s idea.” He closed the door and they walked over to the room on the other side. "This is the guest room. It’s more like a storage room, though, hence all those boxes. The bed I got for Sophie, but she rarely visits me, so this room isn’t used often. She likes traveling, so she mostly uses her time off to do that. But we always spend Christmas together. I grew up in the UK for the majority of my late childhood, so we adopted some customs.”  
“I see… I hope I can meet her one day.” Hiki smiled and looked around in the room. It wasn’t as large as the other one but still had a decent size. Boxes surrounded the double bed, and Hiki asked himself if Howl’s sister felt comfortable sleeping there.  
“You’re definitely gonna meet her.”  
“And she’s okay with… _This_ …?”  
“By _this_ you mean me dating another man?”  
Hiki nodded.  
“She’s very open-minded, don’t worry about that. Let’s not worry about others right now in general. First and foremost, this is about us. Let’s just enjoy this exciting time where everything is new and we get to know each other better and better.” Howl smiled and gently brushed a strand of Hiki’s hair behind his ear. Hiki’s heart was beating fast and he nodded. “The next room is my home office, and this is another bathroom," Howl explained as they walked from room to room. The bathroom was very luxurious and spacious as well, with a shower, a bathtub, and a separate toilet. Howl’s office was just as plain as the rest of the apartment, with a big desk and many boxes everywhere. "I still haven’t gotten to buy filing cabinets, so I’m using the moving boxes,” he shrugged. Everything was nice and tidy, but just absolutely bleak, Hiki thought.   
They were done with their tour, so the couple went back to the living room.   
“So, what do you think?" Howl asked after they had settled down on the sofa again.  
"Um… Well, I think it's great, it's spacious and so bright, due to those huge windows… I mean yeah, they’re scary, not gonna lie, but I have to admit that the view is absolutely amazing!”  
“Is this how you imagined my home?” Howl asked.   
“Absolutely not. It seems super unlike you.” Suddenly Hiki winced and covered his mouth with his hand. “I'm sorry for being so blunt, that was so rude!" Normally, Hiki would’ve never been so straightforward, but Howl just made him feel so comfortable and secure, that he was able to let go and just feel unimpeded.  
"No, it's fine, I want you to _always_ be honest with me. Tell me what you think, I won’t be mad at you, promise."  
"Really?”  
“Of course, Hikkun. I hate nothing more than lies and fake people. I highly appreciate your honesty and I want to hear your criticism. Not only about my home, but in general.” He smiled at his boyfriend, whose facial expression softened.   
“O-Okay. Well… The thing is, the interior gives off such a clinical feeling. It's like in the entrance hall downstairs. I feel like… it's missing something personal… You’re such a warm-hearted and kind person, this bleak interior doesn’t feel like you at all."   
Howl went silent for a moment while looking around. The tension in Hiki’s body rose again. He was sure that Howl would be mad at him after all.  
"I think you're right, Hikkun. I guess I never really thought about it, but now that I do, this place doesn't really feel like a home to me. The planning was fun and all, but after I moved in, I realized that such a big apartment can make you feel very lonely if you live by yourself. And I spend most of my time at work and only come here to eat, sleep and shower. To be honest, sometimes I feel a little lost here. At one point I asked myself for whom I built this. It feels like such a waste sometimes," Howl admitted. Hiki's heart throbbed. He followed an impulse and hugged Howl tightly.  
"Howl… I don't know if I'm enough, but if you're okay with it, I'll come here as often as I can," he promised. "You're not alone anymore."  
Howl, who was a bit startled over his lover’s sudden action, smiled lovingly and hugged him back. "Thank you, Hikkun… The more I see you, the happier I’ll become."  
Hiki then loosened his grip a little and looked up at him, their eyes locked.   
“Really?” He asked. Howl nodded and leaned in to aim for a kiss when all of a sudden Hiki's stomach growled very loudly. He placed a hand on it and blushed. "Sorryyy… Jeez, way to ruin the mood…"  
Howl laughed out loud, which startled Hiki. It was the first time he had heard him laugh wholeheartedly, and to him, it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.  
"I better heat up the matsuri leftovers, sounds like you're about to starve and I can't let that happen, or I'll be alone again." He kissed Hiki on the forehead and got up. "Just wait here, I'll be right back," Howl said and walked over to the kitchen, but Hiki followed him.  
"Um, can I help?" he asked, standing at the entrance.  
"You're a guest, so just relax on the sofa."  
"But aren't we… A couple?" Hiki blushed, looked down, and fumbled nervously on his shirt's bottom hem. "That… That means I'm not a guest..."  
"You're right, of course! Then, please get the rice from the rice cooker and put it in the bowl over there. There's also wakame in the fridge.  
"Okay," Hiki sparkled and joined Howl in the kitchen.  
When they were done with the preparations, Howl went ahead and placed some of the food on the coffee table.   
“Howl?”   
“Yeah, what is it, Hikkun?”  
“Why don’t we eat at the dining table? You know, since then it won’t be a waste that you bought it...” He smiled insecurely.   
“That’s a great idea!” Howl moved the plates over and they sat down on the chairs.   
“Thanks for the food,” Hiki said and Howl chimed in before they started eating.   
“Oh, I didn’t expect it to taste as good as last night, since it’s reheated. But it absolutely does!” Howl noticed, surprised.  
Hiki nodded agreeing with puffed cheeks. “Fo goog!”  
“You know what?” Hiki asked after he had swallowed. “A table right at the serving hatch would look great too. Imagine waking up and having breakfast there every morning. How cozy… And I could just place everything on the table so easily.”  
“And I could watch you cooking in general. I should buy one and put it there,” Howl smiled.  
“Ah,…” Hiki blushed again. “Sorry for daydreaming… How embarrassing...”  
“Hikkun, you really should stop apologizing for your quirks, because I find them rather lovable. And that’s a really great idea. What else would you change around here?”  
Hiki hesitated, but then shared some ideas for Howl’s interior design. “A huge white L-shaped sofa where the small black one is now. I’d exchange the glass tables with white wooden ones. And these chairs too. The guest room also doesn’t look very inviting, I bet your sister wouldn’t mind if it got a little makeover,” he giggled insecurely.   
“I see… Thanks for your input, it’s very well appreciated,” Howl said and continued eating as if nothing happened.   
“Sure…”   
Hiki slightly panicked and hoped that he didn’t say anything rude because Howl had answered in such a formal way. Occupied with his insecurities, he barely ate anything. Hiki often felt enchained by his constant self-doubt and was disappointed in himself that he wasn’t able to really turn it off, even though he felt so comfortable around Howl.   
“What’s wrong?” Howl suddenly asked when he was almost done. “You barely touched your food, I thought you liked it…”  
“I do! I… I just wanted to leave some space for dessert.”  
“I see. Hikkun, remember what I said earlier about the traits in people I appreciate? Please be open and tell me what’s wrong, because I can clearly see that you’re not okay.”  
Hiki felt caught. Normally people weren’t so cautious about him. “I just… Thought that… Maybe I said something rude after all because you were acting so cold after I told you my opinion, and you had this weird expression. I thought I hurt your feelings…”  
“Oh!“ Howl realized. “No, that was just my normal resting face.”  
“Really?”  
“Hikkun, there’s something you should know about me. I’m normally very quiet. Even my friends think I’m just a grumpy guy or see me as aloof even. But I’m just self-contained, and due to my facial features, I look like it too, so they fail to read me. I’m quite outgoing and blunt though, but I don’t like to share my thoughts and feelings. I’m not mad at you. I was processing it and thought about what you said, that’s all.”   
“That was your normal face? But when you look at me, you look different…”  
“Do I?”  
Hiki nodded. “Anyway, I’m kinda the same. Well, except for the outgoing part… And it’s hard for me to talk to people because I feel insecure. I don’t want to say something that might anger them, because my mo-” Hiki suddenly paused. “Um, good to know that you’re not mad at me. Thank you for explaining it to me.”  
Before Howl replied, he thought about what Hiki wanted to say to him and he wondered why that boy was so self-aware, but he decided not to ask further questions, Hiki obviously didn’t want to talk about it. “You know what? We should work on that. From now on, let’s try to share our thoughts and feelings with each other, we’re a couple after all. What do you think?”  
Hiki nodded enthusiastically.   
“This is new to the both of us. It’s my first real relationship ever as well, so let’s face these new adventures together so that one day, maybe words won’t even be needed anymore. Let’s grow together.” Howl took Hiki’s hand and kissed it. “I love you, Hikkun.”  
Hiki’s heart bounced in his chest and screamed internally over how romantic Howl’s words were. He smiled sparkling and slightly opened his mouth to say it back, but the words didn’t come out. But before he could panic again, Howl got up, bent over, and kissed him on the lips. “Wanna eat more of the main dishes, or have the desserts…”  
“Dessert,” Hiki exclaimed, smiling. Howl returned his smile and went to pick up the sweets from the kitchen.   
“Um, Howl? There’s something else…” Hiki mumbled shyly as he placed a stick of dango on his plate.   
“Tell me.”  
“Why… Why do you even like me? I don’t get it. You’re not trying to charm me to infiltrate the Ueda group, right?”  
“What?” Howl looked at Hiki confusedly.  
“Hajime said you might have noticed how weak I am when we met and now you’re using me to… Get to my father…”  
“Rubbish. First of all, I’m sincerely in love with you. Why? Because you’re warm-hearted, cute, gentle, honest, funny, passionate, sweet, independent, cheerful, modest, loving, devoted… And cute. I know I said cute before, but you’re just so cute, it can’t be mentioned enough.”  
“Waah, please stop,” Hiki begged him while blushing intensely and waving his hands in the air.   
“And that’s just what I know about you so far. I bet there is so much more that’s great about you and I can’t wait to discover all of it.”  
“B-But I have very bad traits too… I’m shy, anti-social, weird, clumsy, I have childhood traumas that mess me up, I can be quite stubborn, I’m indecisive, insecure...”  
“So? Nobody’s perfect, I have personality traits that could anger you too… But if you love someone, you love that part of them as well, even if it might make your blood boil. You love everything about a person, not only their good sides. Plus, don’t listen to what other people say. When it comes to love… When it comes to _me_ , just listen to your heart.” Howl placed his big hand on Hiki’s chest. “Ah… I think it’s already speaking loudly to you.”  
“You’re so cool,” Hiki huffed in a daze, which made Howl chuckle. He kissed his lover and they finished their meal.   
Afterwards, they switched back to the sofa.   
“Jeez, I'm so full," Howl moaned and leaned back.  
"Me too," Hiki said, sitting down next to him. He wanted to move closer to Howl but didn’t want to look too clingy.   
“Hey, what are you doing over there?” Howl asked.   
“Over where? I’m right here… Are you delirious from all the sugar now?”  
“There’s at least space for another person in between us. You’re too far away from me from my taste. I mean, I don’t want to look clingy, but I’d prefer to have you right here,” Howl said and lifted his left arm as an invitation for Hiki to snuggle up against him. He smiled and gladly followed that invitation, amused that Howl had the same fear as him.   
“Ahh, this is nice. So warm and cozy,” Hiki mumbled.   
Howl then placed the index finger of his right hand underneath Hiki’s chin and gently lifted it up before he leaned in and kissed Hiki on the lips. “Mmh, sweeter than any candy…”  
Hiki giggled. He felt much more relaxed now.   
"...Hikkun, can we try something?"  
"Hm? Is it uncomfortable, want me to change my position?"  
"No, I would like to… give you a more mature kiss. You told me yesterday that it was your first kiss ever, so I don't want to overwhelm you."  
"Y-You mean a deep kiss?" He blushed. "It's fine! I want to do more… but… It's just that… I don't know how it works," he stuttered shyly. "I… I'm nervous…"  
Howl smiled warmly. He just couldn't wrap his head around how cute Hiki was and he had to hold back very hard not to just jump him. "Well, practice makes perfect, right? The more we practice, the better you'll get, and I think we should start right now. Are you okay with that, my young pupil?"  
Hiki giggled and nodded, and his heart skipped a beat as Howl came closer again. "Open your mouth a little," he whispered right before their lips touched. Hiki followed his order diligently. He closed his eyes and felt Howl's warm tongue enter his mouth. It was searching for his, so he moved his own tongue towards it and huffed as they softly touched before they slowly entwined. _Slippery_ , he thought. But it was a very pleasant feeling. At first, Hiki was a little shy in his movements, but after a few minutes he got the hang of it and their kiss became more passionate. Howl placed his hand on Hiki's neck and caressed it.  
"Mh… Haa…" Hiki moaned, aroused. The excitement was almost too much. That tingling sensation he felt in his chest moved down to his hips and his whole body felt hot. The voice he kept hearing coming from him was weird and he felt a little ashamed, but Hiki felt too much pleasure to actually care about any other feeling.  
  
They kept practicing for quite some time and Hiki wished for it to never end. To be so close to Howl was pure bliss and a whole new level of happiness he hadn’t known until then.   
But then, unexpectedly, Howl's hand moved to Hiki’s back and slowly slid underneath his shirt. Hiki jolted and reflexively pushed him away. "No!" He spoke louder than he had intended and Howl looked at him puzzled for a second.  
“Sorry! I didn't mean to push you!" Hiki said and put his hand on the place on Howl’s chest where he had pushed him. “I’m so sorry…”  
"No, I'm the one who's sorry, I got a little carried away. Are you okay?"  
"Yeah, I'm fine..." Hiki just wanted to explain why he’d reacted like that, but his phone started ringing and he quickly picked it up. "Hacchan? What… No, I’m still here, why? ...Crap! Okay, I'm coming!" He hung up with a sad expression on his face. "I have to leave, the driver has been called back by our father, something must’ve happened. He doesn’t know I’m here, so I have to hurry back to the arcade. Hajime and Kai are covering for me, they’re gonna get into trouble..."   
"You snuck away after all…”  
“I’m a delinquent, did you forget?” Hiki grinned, but Howl didn’t smile back this time. “It’s because of my father… He’s your business partner, after all, we need to be careful.”  
“Let’s discuss this another time, you have to hurry now. I'll escort you to the elevator."   
They got up and Hiki put on his coat and shoes and stepped into the hallway.  
"Be safe, Hikkun," Howl said with a soft voice as they were waiting for the elevator to arrive. "Oh, and I understand that you have no experience at all, so rest assured that I won't do anything like that again until you're ready. You have all the time you need to adjust to the situation and to get used to this. To get used to _me_."  
"Howl, I-" Hiki started, but the elevator interrupted him. The door opened and he stepped inside, turned around, and looked at Howl. Then he suddenly leaped forward, grabbed Howl by his neck, pulled him down, and kissed him. "I like you so much, Howl. So, so much. I didn’t push you because I’m shy... I’ll tell you the reason next time." He stepped back and smiled at his lover broadly as the door closed.  
Howl, startled by that sudden gesture, sighed and shook his head. "...Good grief, this boy is gonna cause me a lot of trouble," he said to himself, grinned, and went back inside his condo. He shut the door, walked over to the living room, and looked around. "I should definitely adjust too…"  
  
Hiki made it to the arcade quickly but had to take a scolding from Sasara. Hajime and Kaito had told him that Hiki went to a bookstore because he got bored.   
On their way home, he thought about his date and was incredibly happy when he remembered how they made out until his lips felt numb. Though, he still felt bad for pushing Howl away. He swore to himself that he would tell him the true reason as soon as he got the opportunity.   
Hiki wanted to tell Hajime and Kai everything, but he obviously couldn’t do that with Sasara right there, and since he already missed Howl, Hiki took out his phone and sent him a text message.  
[Thank you for everything, I had a lot of fun today. (´｡• ᵕ •｡`) I already miss you. ♡( ◡‿◡ ) ]  
As usual, he got a reply right away, which made him giggle.   
[I had a lot of fun too. And you’ve really inspired me to renovate my apartment, so I started planning right after you left. Would you help me by giving me your opinion and picking out furniture with me? Let's try to meet up soon, I miss you too.]  
[I would love to help you! °˖✧◝(⁰▿⁰)◜✧˖° I'll be in Tokyo on Wednesday for a job interview at 11, but you'll be working, right?]  
[We can have lunch together, I'll be free around 12. It’ll be 2 hours until my next appointment, so we’ll have a little time.]  
[Okay, I'll be there at 12!]  
[Can’t wait to see you. Be safe on your way home, Hikkun. I love you.]  
Hiki grinned at his phone like an idiot and replied: [ ❤ (ɔˆз(ˆ⌣ˆc) ]  
“Hey, Niichan, calm down. You’re glowing, you know,” Hajime whispered to his brother so that their driver couldn’t hear him. Hiki cleared his throat and looked out of the window to distract himself.   
After they arrived home, Hiki had to give a full report to the couple about what happened on his date. He felt like they were much more accepting, which made him very happy. 

Three days later, the guard drove him all the way over to Tokyo again for Hiki’s job interview.   
He was extremely nervous because if he actually got that job he could finally move there. Hiki had only four months left and it was stressing him out. Going on job and apartment hunts after Uni started would be a pain, he thought.   
Because there was no way Hiki could sneak away from Sasara that time, he had lied and told him that he also had a job interview at an office in Howl’s building. After realizing that there were multiple companies operating in that building, he thought his father might believe him and wouldn’t automatically think that he went to see Howl.   
"H-Hello, can you please tell me on which floor I can find Harada-san's office," Hiki asked the receptionist when he arrived at the office building after he had realized that Howl hadn’t told him.  
"Oh, hello, it's you again," she greeted him, smiling. "It's on the 36th. It's the whole floor, so you can't miss it."  
"Thank you very much. Oh, um… do I need the lift boy to take me there again," he asked insecurely.  
"You mean Ando-san?" She looked over to the buff man standing next to the elevators. "He's not a lift boy, he's a security guard," she giggled.  
"Oh… I'm sorry, my bad," Hiki blushed.  
"You won't need him this time. Harada-san's apartment is only accessible with a private elevator and a keycard, that's why Ando-san escorted you last time. The rest of the offices don't need a code, so you can just take any of the other elevators to the 36th floor," she explained.  
"Okay, thanks. Have a nice day," Hiki bowed and walked over to the elevators. A lot of people were getting in and out and the hall was pretty crowded. Hiki felt a little anxious, but he was planning on moving to Tokyo, so he should get used to it, was what he told himself. Although there were three elevators, he couldn't manage to get into any of them. They were either way too packed for his taste, or people kept pushing him aside. The office workers were in a rush and minded their own business with a first come first serve mentality and no manners, Hiki thought. After trying for several minutes, he sighed in frustration. “I feel like an idiot. Can’t even get into an elevator,” he muttered to himself.  
"Hey, chibi, follow me," Ando said. The tall guard had suddenly shown up next to him. Hiki nodded and did as he was told. Ando stepped into one of the elevators that had just arrived, and everyone made space for him or decided to take the next one. Of course, no one dared to push such a big guy around. He pointed in front of him and Hiki followed his orders and placed himself there, safe from being shoved around.  
Hiki sighed.   
" Next time you'll have to make it by yourself. Even though you're tiny and look fragile, you can't just let everyone treat you like that. You have to stand your ground," he lectured Hiki with his deep, growling voice.  
"O-Okay," Hiki answered sheepishly. "I'll do better next time."  
When they reached the 36th floor, Hiki stepped outside, turned around, bowed deeply, and smiled broadly at the guard. "Thank you very much, Ando-san, that was very kind of you."  
"N-No problem, chibi." The tower of a man blushed as the door closed.  
Hiki was happy about that man's kindness, but his next mission was to find Howl. He followed a long corridor until he reached a big glass desk.  
"How can I help you," the sophisticated looking man with silvery hair, who was sitting at the desk, asked.  
"Hello, my name is Ueda Hikaru. I'm here to meet Harada-san," Hiki answered politely.  
"Oh, so you're the infamous Ueda-kun. I'm his assistant Kinsley. It's nice to meet you after listening to him rave about you, day in and day out." The man chuckled.  
"H-He does that? I'm sorry…" Hiki blushed. "Wait, you're Kinsley-san? I've heard a lot about you too," Hiki smiled, feeling as he was meeting a friend. He knew from Howl that he had met Kinsley at his first job and he had followed him when Howl founded his company. Hiki also knew that besides being his assistant, he was also Howl’s best friend.   
“I hope it was only good things. ”   
“Yes, absolutely!” Hiki replied.   
"He better.” The man winked shadily in a joking way. “He's already waiting for you, Ueda-kun. This door." Kinsley pointed at the big door on his left.  
"Thank you, Kinsley-san," Hiki bowed and entered the office.   
"Howl!" His heart jumped as soon as he laid eyes on his lover. Hiki felt like they hadn't seen each other in weeks, even though they had talked on the phone every day. But of course, seeing him in person was different. Howl always evoked this certain feeling in Hiki’s chest that he couldn’t describe, because it was too strong.  
"Hikkun, you made it! I'm glad." Howl walked over to him and they kissed.   
"Sorry if I'm late, but I had trouble getting into the elevator. Ando-san helped me out in the end."  
"Ah yeah, it's different from Sunday when there's practically no one here except for some salarymen who have to work overtime to meet their deadlines. Especially around lunchtime. Those masses of people must've been pretty overwhelming, huh…" He caressed Hiki's cheek. "In a building this big, there are a lot of people coming in and out. I hope you can get used to it…"  
"Oh, I'll be fine. Ando-san said I can't let others push me around and he's right. "  
"Sounds like you made a new friend. He's a really good guy. He looks scary, but he's actually very nice."  
"I don't think that he looks scary. It was so kind of him to help me, I'll make sure to bring him some of my cookies next time, I hope he'll like them. And don't worry,” Hiki added quickly. “I'll bring some for you too," he smiled.  
"Can’t wait, but don't get caught. Oh, I ordered in by the way. The delivery guy should be here soon, I hope pizza is okay.”   
“Pizza?”   
“Not okay?”   
“No, no, it is! I just never had any…”   
“Huh? How? It’s quite common here in Japan too…”   
“Our chef only cooks traditional Japanese meals, and the only place I eat out is Ramen Jiji’s.”   
“Well, I hope you’ll like it, but if not, I can order in some regular food. Switching to a restaurant is probably not a good idea with your guard outside…”   
“I’m not that picky when it comes to food, and it looks delicious on TV, so it’s gonna be fine, don’t worry,” Hiki smiled.   
“Okay. Now then, tell me all about your job interview."  
"I didn't get it," he answered as they sat down on the big navy blue sofa right across from Howl's desk.  
"Crap, I'm sorry to hear that, Hikkun."  
"It's okay, I'll keep trying. It's only May and my first semester won’t start until September, so I have a little time left. It'll be fine," he nodded optimistically.  
"What if you’d start working for me? I’m sure we can find something for you to do here, you’re clever after all..."   
“That would be nepotism... I don’t think that’s a good thing. And as your lover, I don’t want to be on your payroll, to be honest. But I appreciate your offer a lot! Thank you.”   
Howl smiled. Again, Hiki chose the tough way instead of the easy one, and Howl respected that. Suddenly, someone knocked on the door. "Ah, that must be our food,” Howl said and called the delivery man inside.   
“It smells great,” Hiki exclaimed as Howl opened the box.   
Hiki took a slice of the cheesy pepperoni pizza and placed it on a plate Howl had gotten from the office kitchen before he arrived. “Thanks for the meal,” he said and took a bite. His eyes widened. “Woah! Fo goog!”   
Howl chuckled. “I’m glad you like it.”  
While the two of them enjoyed their meal, they talked a lot about Howl's renovation plans. Howl nodded thoughtfully every time Hiki made a suggestion, sometimes he wrote something down. Time went by quickly as always, and Howl had to leave for an appointment, so he escorted Hiki down. They agreed to say their goodbyes in the entrance hall so that Sasara wouldn’t spot them together.  
"Oh, right! Howl, I completely forgot!” Hiki suddenly said as they left the elevator. “Hajime, Kaito, and I are going to have our annual picnic on Saturday. They would like to meet you, so I wanted to invite you… If that’s okay... It's nothing special, though. And we'll only have some konbini snacks since I can't use the kitchen to cook bigger meals, but… I’d be happy if you could make it. I know it's on short notice, and you might have to work, so it’s okay if you can’t come. But I thought-"  
"What time should I be there?" Howl interrupted his babbling partner.  
Hiki's eyes widened and started sparkling. "At three! There's a field with lots of wisteria trees and a little river, not far from the house. Around this time, the trees are in full bloom, it’s like a fairy tale scenery," Hiki swooned.   
"Alright, where should we meet?”   
“Right, half a mile before you reach the main gate of the mansion, there’s a huge oak tree. Let’s meet there, so the cameras won’t catch you.”   
“I’ll wait there for you."  
Hiki nodded excitedly.   
“I want to kiss you, but we’re in public… See you on Saturday, Hikkun. Can’t wait." Howl winked at him and smiled.  
"Myeah…" Hiki purred love-drunk before he turned around and wavered through the hall and out of the building.   
When Hiki was gone, Howl took his phone from his pocket to make a call. "Kinsley, cancel the meeting that was scheduled for Saturday... I don't care if he'll get angry, just tell him that I'm down with the flu or something. If he won’t sign the contract, it’s his loss. I don’t like that guy much anyway. We’ll catch another one. Maybe not such a money bag, but it’s fine… No, I’m not actually sick. Something more important came up..."


	4. The Picnic

“Hey, Niichan, you okay? You look really pale...” Hajime asked his nervous-looking brother as the trio walked down a long dirt road where they had agreed to meet Hiki’s boyfriend to go on their annual picnic. It was around noon on a hot spring day in May, the sky was clear and a small breeze rustled through the tall grass of the meadows on both sides of the road. Normally, Hiki enjoyed the rural scenery whenever they went for walks, but on that day, his mind was preoccupied with something else.   
“I’m not okay. This is too much excitement. I’m excited because of him non-stop, my heart can’t take it anymore,” Hiki whined. “I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, all I want is to be with him all the time or at least hear his voice. What’s happening to me, this is insane!”  
“That’s called love, dummy,” Kaito chuckled.   
“Gross,” Hajime snubbed.   
“Shut up, Hacchan.” Hiki growled and then sighed. Seeing Howl again wasn’t the only reason he was excited. He was also nervous because the most important people in his life would be meeting for the first time, and he wanted for nothing more than that they would get along.  
"Hiki, try to calm down, you're super tense, you'll get a headache," Kaito warned his friend.  
"I can't help it, I'm too nervous… Oh, there he is!"  
Howl had parked his car on the side of the wide road and got out, standing next to the massive tree.  
"Howl!” Hiki waved, trying to contain his excitement, futile effort. He quickly gave up all semblance of calm and ran over to him. Kai grinned at Hajime who rolled his eyes. Then his grin vanished." Hey, be nice, okay? This is very important to your brother, so don't be so hostile."  
"He wants to have my Niichan, so he has to put up with his protective brother. It's the law."  
"What law?"   
"I don't know, nature? Listen, I don't make the rules, okay."  
"You're such a dork…" Kai chuckled.   
"Howl, I'm so happy that you were able to make it," Hiki sparkled while the others caught up.   
"I hope I'm not late, there was so much traffic." Howl placed his big hand on Hiki's head and smiled at him. Hiki was expecting a kiss as usual, but then he realized that his boyfriend was probably being considerate because they weren’t alone. He had gotten so used to their greeting, that he felt like there was something missing.   
"You must be Hacchan-kun and Kaito-kun, nice to meet you. I'm Harada Howl, but please just call me Howl."   
"My name is Hajime. Only my brother is allowed to call me Hacchan," the teenager hissed. "So you're the guy who's hitting on him, huh? Listen," Hajime glared at him intensely, but suddenly jolted. "Ow, Kai! Don't pinch me, that hurt!"   
"Excuse him please, he tends to forget his manners sometimes. I'm Yamada Kaito, Hiki's childhood friend. Nice to finally meet you, Hiki has talked about you a lot."  
"It's fine, I have a sister, so I know how overprotective siblings can be,” Howl replied understandingly, while Hiki gave his brother a 'you better get your act together' look.  
“Wow, is that your car, Howl-san? A black Audi Q7, what a beauty,” Kai swooned.   
“Are you interested in cars?” Howl asked.   
“A little bit. I like Audi’s, and the Q7 has a pretty racy and very elegant design for a station wagon.”   
“That’s why I wanted it. Plus, I like German cars, they’re very reliable.”  
Kaito nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, that’s true.”  
“I hate to interrupt you,” Hiki suddenly said, smiling. “But it's a bit of a walk, so we should leave."  
"Oh, we’re not gonna hold the picnic here?” Howl asked.   
“No, we just have to enter the woods from here to get to our special little place,” Hiki replied and pointed at the border of a forest that was a little further away, right across the meadow on their right. “I hope you’re okay with a little hike…”  
“Sure! The scenery is breathtaking and we have amazing weather, so... Oh wait, I almost forgot. I need to get something from the trunk before we leave." Howl walked over to the car, opened the trunk, took out a big wooden basket, and rushed back over to the trio. "I hope you're hungry because I brought some food from my favorite restaurant in Tokyo."  
"Really? Thank you, Howl, but you didn't have to! Though, I'm actually super hungry," Hiki grinned. “Wait, is this a real picnic basket? You didn’t mention that you like picnics too, did you buy it for today?”  
“You’re so sharp,” Howl smiled at his boyfriend. “Yes, I actually did. When I do something, I do it the right way.”  
“That’s so thoughtful…” Hiki sparkled.   
"And it’s very generous of you. Thank you," Kaito said.  
"But our konbini snacks are a tradition…" Hajime frowned, holding up two bags filled with all sorts of savory and sweet treats.  
"Oh, I didn't mean to meddle with your tradition, sorry about that. But Hikkun mentioned that you'd have snacks, so I only brought main dishes, no desserts or anything."  
"That's very considerate of you, Harada-san. See, Hajime, we can have the main dishes first and our usual snacks later,” Kai said appeasingly.   
"...Fine," Hajime grumbled.  
Hiki rolled his eyes. “Don’t mind my little brother. Let’s go."  
Howl nodded. “Please go ahead, I’ll follow you,” Howl said to Hajime and Kai so that they would walk in front of him and Hiki. He then took the opportunity while no one was looking and kissed his lover on the lips. “Hi,” he said afterwards and smirked cheekily.   
“H-Hi,” Hiki replied, startled, and giggled. “Silly…”  
“Come on, let’s go. I’m excited to see the place, you mentioned in a message that you do this once a year, right? Always in the same spot?” Howl asked as they walked across the meadow to reach the forest.   
“Yeah… When we were kids, we used to go on hikes and roam around here in the woods often with our bigger brothers. Since this is still Ueda property, it’s safe to walk around here without a guard or anything. My brother Satoshi found this magical place one day and brought us there. It became something like our safe place away from all those creepy yakuza in the house, and from… All the bad things that happened there. It was our little heaven… After Satoshi passed, we kept going there every year on the day he first brought us there. It was Hacchan’s idea, he thought it’d cheer me up. I’m excited to show you, it’s like entering a different world… You’ll understand once we get there,” Hiki smiled.   
  
They followed a narrow path through the woods for a while. The sun didn’t reach through the dense treetops, so it was a bit darker and not as hot. Hiki was excited to have the picnic with Howl and kept glancing at him while they were walking. Howl was wearing a white T-shirt and it was the first time that Hiki had seen him wear one. He noticed how trained his body looked and how muscular his arms were. Not overly toned, but defined. His fair skin was flawless and looked smooth. He only had light hair growth on his forearms, and Hiki wondered if he had chest hair. Howl was a head taller than Hiki, which made him the perfect size for hugs and cuddles since he could snuggle up against his wide chest. For a moment, Hiki wanted nothing more than to be alone with him and do just that.  
“Hey, Niichan, watch your step, the rocky part of the path starts here,” Hajime, who was walking ahead with Kai, suddenly shouted back to remind his blushing brother.   
“Huh...? Hacchan, I only fell _once_. One time. You don’t have to remind me...”  
“Well, you’re clumsy, and you seem _distracted…_ ” He looked at Howl, who was looking at Hiki, confused.   
“I-I’m not!” Hiki blushed.   
“Whatever. Remember, you sprained your ankle so badly that I had to carry you back home after the picnic because it was super swollen, and we had to call the doc over, so just focus on the path more…”  
“I am absolutely focused! And I’m not clumsy, oka- Wah!” At that moment, Hiki took the wrong step and almost fell, but Howl caught him just in time. “Kh! Thanks Howl,” Hiki huffed embarrassed.   
“See, I knew it, you’re super clumsy!” Hajime shook his head and rolled his eyes.   
“It’s because _you_ were distracting me!”  
“Are you okay,” Howl asked worriedly as he eyed up his lover.  
“Yeah, thank you for catching me,” Hiki smiled blushing.   
“Always,” Howl said in his sonorous voice as he brushed an astrayed strand of hair behind Hiki’s ear, which made the boy blush even harder. Howl then took his hand and held it firmly but gently while they continued their walk.   
Hiki looked at Kaito, who had turned around, and after making sure that Howl wasn’t looking, he gave his friend an _“Oh my god, did you see that?!”_ expression, which Kai answered with an impressed nod. Hiki continued proving his brother right a second time, almost falling a bit later. He just couldn’t keep his eyes off Howl.   
After about twenty minutes, they made it out of the forested area and arrived at a wide and open wildflower field, lined by grand wisteria trees that were all in full bloom. A small river cut through the landscape and the bright sun seemed to emphasize the colorful flowers as much as it made the crystal clear water of the river sparkle like a million diamonds.   
"Wow, this is absolutely breathtaking," Howl gasped, his eyes widened in awe.  
"Right?!" Hiki smiled, happy to see that his lover appreciated it as much as he did.  
They kept walking over the field, closer to the river and spread out their blankets underneath the biggest of the wisteria trees. Howl opened the picnic basket and started laying out the food he had brought with him.  
"Okay, so these are different kinds of Sushi, we have fried egg rice, yakitori, gyoza, onigiri, normal rice, tempura fried vegetables, and last but not least, tempura fried shrimp."  
"You brought tempura fried shrimp?" Hajime asked with his eyes agape.  
“Hajime, you’re gonna drool on the food,” Kai said jokingly.   
"Hikkun mentioned once that it's your favorite, so I wanted to bring some. I've tried theirs before and I think it's the _best_. Let me know what you think." Howl handed him the box with the delicious smelling seafood and Hajime immediately dug in.  
"Uwooo… If dewuifof!! Fankyu, Hou-fun!" Hajime grinned, his bad mood suddenly gone.  
“Look who’s been tamed,” Kaito teased his boyfriend.   
“I see this as a form of dowry, okay…”  
“So I’m worth a serving of fried shrimp to you?” Hiki asked, one eyebrow raised.  
“They’re _really_ good, Niichan…” Hajime grinned guiltily.  
“If I’d have known that you like them that much, I would’ve brought more. How about I take you to that restaurant next time you’re in Tokyo?” Howl offered. “It’s gonna be on me, of course.”  
“Seriously? Niichan, you can marry this guy, you have my permission!”  
“Hacchan!” Hiki didn’t even know what to say, his face was glowing red.   
“I want to try those shrimp too, give me that box, Hajime,” Kai demanded. “I have a say in this too, after all, don’t just give my best friend away on your own!”  
“Guys, stop that! Even you, Kaito?”  
“Good food is good food, Hiki, sorry…” Kai shrugged.  
Hiki clicked his tongue and Howl chuckled.   
“I’ll take you at your word,” he said and smiled at his boyfriend, who blushed even deeper.   
  
The two couples continued to enjoy the rest of their meal. They had vivid conversations, got to know each other a little better, and as Hiki had hoped, they got along great.  
Later on, Hajime and Kaito went for a little walk. They said they wanted to walk their meal off, but Hiki assumed they simply wanted to give them some alone time… And have some of their own. Howl laid down on the blanket, his head rested on his lover's lap. Hiki gently ran his fingers through Howl’s soft, blond hair, and just couldn't stop smiling.  
"You look happy, Hikkun."  
"Because I am. I'm happy to be here with you right now, and I'm happy that the three of you get along so well."  
"Kaito is a very mild-mannered and polite person. Very easy to talk to. And your brother is... one of a kind." He chuckled. "He’s funny and goofy and has a big heart. All he wants is for you to be happy and to protect you, so we're in the same boat. I think he has realized that."  
"I'm very lucky to have them in my life, and now I have you too. I feel so blessed…”  
Howl took Hiki’s hand and kissed it. “I wish life was always this peaceful." He closed his eyes, listened to the wind rustling through the trees and the birds chirping. "Those two have been gone for a while now…" Howl suddenly noticed, sat up, and looked around.  
"They're probably making out somewhere," Hiki replied bluntly.  
"I see... Well, we should follow their example, don't you think?" He leaned over and kissed Hiki on the lips. Then he cupped his lover's cheek with his big hand and Hiki clung onto his shirt, slightly opened his mouth, and let Howl's tongue slide in. Soft moans escaped his lips as silent smacking sounds filled the air. Hiki felt as if he was melting.  
"Hey, we're back," Hajime suddenly interrupted them, and Hiki jolted away from Howl as he blushed intensely.   
“W-W-Where did you come from all of a sudden,” he stuttered flustered.   
"Relax, it’s just us, no need to get all blushy and stuff,” Kaito said unaffectedly. “We just wanted to let you know that we're gonna head back. We have… stuff to do. Are you gonna stay here?"  
"We're staying,” Howl replied, “But how about I pick you up later and we have dinner together before I drive back to Tokyo?"   
"Sure, sounds good. Hiki, send me a text when you’re on your way back. See you later," Kaito grinned and winked at his friend, and they walked away while holding hands.  
"Ugh, I wanna disappear!" Hiki covered his glowing face with both hands.  
"I’m sure they just did the same wherever they were. And more the moment they arrive home..."  
"Still~" Hiki whined with a muffled voice.   
Howl gently peeled Hiki's hands off of his face and kissed him. "I love how shy you are. It's so cute."  
"I-I'm not shy! Okay, maybe I am. But that’s just because-”  
“You’re experiencing everything for the first time, I get it. As I said, this is the first time in my life I’ve felt for someone this strongly too.”  
“Howl, can I ask you something?”  
“Sure, anything.”  
“Umm… Are… Are you gay?”  
“No, I’m not. I don’t care about genders. I have only dated women so far though. Well, one of them was trans, if that matters.”  
“No, it doesn’t. A woman is a woman. So… You’re saying I’m your first man?”  
“Yup. But it’s not your gender that I felt attracted to. As I said, I don’t care for genders. It was you as a person. Your charisma just bedazzled me. You’re the first person I’ve ever truly fallen in love with, and if everything goes as I wish for, you’re gonna be the last one too.”  
“How do you know it’s love if you’ve never felt it before?”  
“Hmm… Well, you occupy my every thought, every moment of the day. When I think of you, I feel ecstatic and all I want is to see you again as soon as I can. I want to be with you every minute and just look at you. Because just that makes my heart go crazy,” Howl explained.   
Hiki nodded thoughtfully without saying anything.   
“What about you? Are you gay?”  
“I don’t think so…”  
“What does that mean?”  
“Unlike my brother and Kai, I never had a crush on anyone, you know... No TV show host, no actor, not even fictional characters. I was always just happy when people found love, but I never felt the urge to find it myself. Though, sometimes when I saw Hacchan and Kai interact, seeing how great they work together as a couple, I wished for someone who’d be with me like that. Someone I could be myself around, but who’d still love me no matter what. Yet, I never pictured anyone. Male, female, or anything in between… And then I met you, and there was this instant feeling of a connection between us. It was so weird...”  
“I know what you mean. But have you never even felt the desire to be intimate with someone?”  
“Oh heck no! But to be honest… I was kinda occupied with other things…”  
“Like?”  
Hiki went silent for a moment. He was determined to talk to Howl about certain things, but he didn’t want to ruin the mood, so he felt a little torn.   
“Hikkun, it’s okay. If you’re uncomfortable with this topic, we can just talk about something else,” Howl offered, but Hiki shook his head.   
"It’s okay. But I've never talked about this with _anyone_ in detail before. Not even with Hacchan and Kai, so see this as a disclaimer. I might get a little emotional," he scratched the back of his head nervously. Hiki looked down at his hands in his lap and fondled the seams on his sleeve as he continued. "My sister Harumi is the eldest of us siblings. She’s 25 now, so seven years my senior. She lives in one of the guesthouses next to the main building together with her husband Tadao and their daughter Tae, who's six years old. Harumi is not very fond of me, we never got along well. Tadao and I get along pretty well, though. My brother Hiroki, who’s 23, is the successor of the group. I know that he hates it, but he's very diligent, and actually a great wakagashira. I always looked up to him when I was little, he was my hero. Still is... He's strong and he's the master of various martial arts. He trains very hard every day and he also works hard to be the perfect son. I think because my father has him, he's less strict with Hacchan and me. He has the perfect successor, that's all he needs. Anyway, the third eldest was my brother Satoshi, who was four years older than me. We were inseparable and shared a strong bond. Hiroki once told me that the day our mother brought me home from the hospital, he held me until his arms were tired, and even then he didn't want to give me back. He absolutely meant the world to me..." Hiki smiled lovingly, but his expression darkened right away. "He died when he was 15. He-" Hiki swallowed heavily and paused for a moment. "I'm sorry like I said, I've never talked about this. I've never said these things out loud..."  
"Hikkun, don't force yourself…"  
"No, it's okay, I'm fine. I want to tell you. I just need to figure out where to start because a lot happened back then." He cleared his throat. "I have a very weak immune system, so I’m prone to becoming sick. At age eleven, I was hospitalized for a whole month because of really bad pneumonia. Wasn’t my first, but it had never been that bad. It was very painful and I felt lonely because my mother forbade my siblings to visit me. She was always scared I might infect them whenever I was sick, so she used to just lock me up in my room. Or, like in this incident, didn’t let anyone visit me. When I got better and they finally released me, Hiroki and Satoshi came to pick me up. Hacchan had Judo practice that day, so he had to stay at home, thank goodness... Anyway, as a surprise, they wanted to take me to an arcade and I was so excited because I had never been to one before. Our driver that day parked the car in a back alley and as we were heading to the main street, some men who wore the symbol of a rival clan saw us. It was just a bad coincidence, we weren’t even in their territory, it was Ueda territory, but they recognized us and came over to start a fight. Hiroki told them to scram since I was still a kid, but they didn’t care. They were mere shatei, lower-ranked members, who wanted to impress their upper ranks. Kicking the butts of the sons of Ueda Yasuhiro would have brought them some big extra points in their group, maybe even pushed them up a rank. I don’t remember how many there were, but we were outnumbered… Then, everything happened so fast… They attacked us, and Hiroki yelled at Satoshi to bring me back to the armor-plated car immediately, but because my body was still weak from pneumonia, I wasn't able to run fast enough. I stopped for a moment because I couldn’t breathe. Sato was yelling at me to keep walking, but I couldn’t. I felt dizzy, and then I suddenly heard Hiroki yell my name in a voice that made my heart sink to my stomach. I turned around and one of the shetai had pulled out a gun and aimed at me. I saw in the corner of my eye how Hiroki tried to run over to him, but he was too far away. Then, something quickly moved in between me and that man. It... was Satoshi. He shielded me off… I still remember the way he looked at me as he was standing there protecting me, even if it was only seconds..." Hiki paused. He needed a moment to collect himself. His chest felt tight and it was hard to breathe, but he continued talking. "The man fired his gun and… The bullets hit Satoshi, he fell over and dragged me down to the ground with him. I was lying underneath him and he kept whispering my name over and over again… ‘Hicchan, are you okay? Are you alright, Hicchan?” Hiki teared up. “Hiroki and our guard came running to pick him up, took him to the car and we headed towards the next hospital. I was in the backseat, Satoshi's head was lying on my lap… There was so much blood... I remember clearly how he opened his eyes for the last time and smiled at me. He said, ‘Hicchan, you’re okay, thank god... Life would be so boring without you... Don’t tell the others, but you’re my favorite…’ and then he winked at me… He always said that whenever he noticed that I was sad.” Tears started running down Hiki’s face. “And then, his smile vanished. That’s when I knew that he was gone because Satoshi was always smiling. Always..." Hiki sobbed softly as he tried to dry his tears.   
"Hikkun…" Howl wanted to reach out and hug him, but Hiki lifted his hand to signal him to wait.   
“I’m sorry, but if you do this now, I won’t be able to continue, which I want to… If you’re still willing to listen…”  
Howl nodded and stayed where he was as Hiki dried his cheeks with his sleeves. He took a deep breath and continued. "They could only declare his death at the hospital. Our parents came there immediately and after the guard had explained to them what had happened, and my mother saw me covered in Satoshi's blood, she completely lost it. She had a complete meltdown and tried to attack me, screaming at me 'give me back my son you… b-bastard'. I’m convinced that if I’d have been alone with her at that moment, she would’ve killed me right then and there. Even though I hate hospitals, I’m still glad they kept me there overnight because I was in shock. You know, she… She had always been violent towards me. I don’t remember her not being like that. She wasn't a loving and caring mother in general but for some reason, she always used _me_ as an outlet for her frustration, anger, and… whatever was going on in her head. Before Satoshi’s death, she used to only kick me, smack me, or say mean things when no one was around. She _really_ despises me to this day. I never dared to make a sound when she was around. I tried not to catch her attention, to be invisible to her, because attention from my mother was never a good thing for me. But it became _so_ much worse after that day. She started drinking regularly and every time she was drunk and nobody was in hearing range, which wasn’t hard in such a huge house, she'd beat me terribly. After she was done, she normally passed out for a while, so I got the chance to drag myself to the bathroom to take care of my wounds and hide them before anyone could see. If she accidentally bruised my face or other places that I couldn’t hide, she told me exactly what to say in case someone asked. She trained me well from the beginning and everyone thought I was just clumsy. The verbal abuse had become worse too. She said that I don’t deserve to be loved or even treated well. That if she’d had it her way, I would live in the dog pound like the animal that I am. That I was only alive because she noticed the pregnancy too late… She said I’m an abomination born from hate... Those were some of the things she told me in her drunkenness… She also said that everyone hated me even more, now that I killed my brother. That I should’ve died instead of him because I’m useless and nobody wants me anyway. And she always wanted me to give her back her _beloved_ son… Which is ridiculous because she never cared about any of us. Luckily, I was the only one she treated that way, though. And as if I wouldn't have done _anything_ to bring him back. I loved him _so much_. I wished I could’ve switched places with him so badly. Every night I dreamed of him. The dreams started nice, we had fun playing outside, but then it cut to that moment and his lifeless face covered in blood… I still have those nightmares, to be honest. I have phases where I don’t sleep at all just to avoid them. I’m sorry if I sound all over the place, it’s hard to put all this in words...”  
“It’s okay. But Hikkun, what about the others? Did no one really notice the abuse?” Howl asked. He felt heartbroken just listening to his lover’s story, he didn’t even dare to imagine how it must’ve been for Hiki to grow up like that. Forced into this kind of loneliness in a house full of people and hated by his own mother.   
Hiki shook his head. “I knew how to hide my wounds and bruises, and I knew what to say if they were in places where I couldn’t cover them, or when they accidentally showed.”   
“But why didn’t you just tell someone? You had evidence after all. I mean, I don’t want to blame or judge you for not doing it, I’m just trying to understand…”  
“Fear. Ever since I was little, my mother drummed it into me not to tell anyone or she’d send me to an orphanage behind everyone’s backs, and I would never see my family ever again. I was scared, so I stayed silent. And that fear was still there as I grew older. Though, after Sato died, I was convinced that I deserved it for causing his death. And to be completely honest, I never wanted Hacchan and Kai to know. She brought so much darkness into my life, I didn’t want it to spread out on theirs. So I shut myself away and retreated from everyone and everything after Satoshi’s death. I spent most of the time in my room or hiding somewhere from her. I was so lonely and in so much pain, I could hardly keep going. I just wanted everything to stop.”  
“But she’s not abusing you anymore, is she?” Howl straightened his posture, getting into protection mode at the mere thought of it.   
“No, no! I was just about to say that… One day, three years ago, something happened. I was fifteen and it was around the third anniversary of Satoshi's death, where she always behaved even worse. She got ridiculously drunk and was beating on me with a wooden broomstick so hard, it broke. I honestly thought I was going to die, but I was lucky that day. Hiroki came back home from an appointment to get something from our father’s room that was next to our mother’s and heard her screaming. He pushed her away from me, picked me up, and brought me to a clinic. When we came back home, he told our father and I have no idea what he did or said to her, but she never touched me again after that.”  
“I mean that’s good, but I’m still baffled that no one noticed…”  
“Sato’s death has changed everyone. Hiroki, who used to teach me cool stuff like how to catch stag beetles, or how to build hideouts in the woods, who I had a strong connection with too, had retreated into a shell. He always just looked stern and didn’t smile anymore at all. He basically stopped being a big brother. I rarely saw him, since he drowned himself in work. I thought that he hated me too, just like my mother had told me. But after Hiroki had saved me that day, he said something that meant the world to me. He said: 'Hikaru, one day, I hope you can be happy again because Satoshi would want that for you. It was his decision to save your life. Don't waste his sacrifice and don't push away those who want to be there for you'. My big brother saved me twice that day, and I don’t think he’s even aware of it… Because I knew that he was right and I knew that he was talking about Hajime and Kaito. They never gave up on me, they always kept trying to get me to come out of my own shell. So after that, I worked hard on myself, and with time I was able to open up to them again little by little. I really want to be happy and do something good with my life, I owe that to Satoshi… and to myself. But until now I always felt that something was missing. A part of me had died that day, but ever since I've met you, I feel complete again…" Hiki looked at Howl, his eyes were teary again. "I'm sorry, I’ve ruined the mood after all, huh…" he sniffled.  
Howl, not able to hold back anymore, hugged him as tight as he could. At first, Hiki wanted to tell him that he was fine, but that bear hug was exactly what he needed at that moment. He clung onto his lover and they remained in their embrace for a while, while Hiki cried more than he ever had before, he felt like. But it felt liberating to him, and he was grateful that Howl didn't say something like 'everything will be okay' or other things people normally said in those situations. He just held him, made him feel loved and safe and Hiki couldn't have hoped for a better reaction from his partner. But there was still something that Hiki was stressing over.   
“Um, Howl… There’s more…” He said after he had calmed down. Howl released him from his arms and helped Hiki dry his face with some napkins. “Ah, I’m sorry, your shirt…”   
“It’s okay, it’ll dry. What else did you want to tell me?”  
"Remember the other day… When I pushed you away?"  
"Of course. I got carried away and touched you without your consent. That wasn't okay, so your reaction was justified."  
"That wasn't the reason. I want you to touch me, but... I'm very self-conscious because of my skin on some parts of my body. My mother's outbursts left some marks and… I'm… ashamed of them."  
"...Can I see?" Howl asked bluntly.  
"Oh, um…" Hiki was surprised, he didn't expect Howl to ask for something like that. "Mh… O-Okay." His heart was throbbing as he turned around and lifted his cardigan and shirt. He felt awkward and kind of exposed. "Wah!" Hiki jolted when he suddenly felt Howl's hand sliding across his skin, tracing his scars with his fingertips. “Th-They’re ugly, so don’t look too closely…”  
"Hikkun, you're amazingly strong, it’s admirable…"  
“Huh?”  
Howl leaned over and placed gentle kisses on his boyfriend’s back. Hiki stopped breathing for a moment, his heart in his throat.   
"Despite everything you've been through that scarred you in so many ways, you didn't give up. You pulled through. You survived. You're a fighter, Hikkun. That's what these scars show me." He pulled down his clothes and Hiki turned back around, his eyes widened in surprise at Howl's unexpected reaction.  
"Y-You think? You think… I'm strong?"  
"You're by far the strongest man I've ever met, and I mean that in all honesty. Those scars prove it, so they’re not ugly to me. You know, this reminds me of a story I once read about a nordic clan in ancient times whose warriors fought in many battles to keep their families safe from their enemies. The ones with the most and biggest scars were the ones that were admired the most by everyone. The leader of that clan fought in wars with only one arm even, but he always returned as the victor. They all wore their scars with pride because they meant that they were successful in protecting their loved ones and themselves. So don’t feel ashamed for surviving so many battles when you should feel accomplished instead.”  
"Thank you, Howl," Hiki huffed and smiled. Howl kissed Hiki softly on the lips.   
“Thank _you_ for sharing this with me,” he whispered. "But you know, your mom is a real bitch," he continued in his usual voice, which made Hiki laugh and the tension left his body. He felt much better. As if a huge weight was lifted from his chest and he was finally able to breathe. For a moment, Hiki thought that he should have told someone before, but then he reconsidered his thought. He wouldn’t have wanted to share this intimate story with anyone else, and he was absolutely sure that no one else would’ve had the ability to make him feel that much better afterwards.   
“You know…” Hiki started as he realized something. “I’m still broken... So if you changed your mind about being in love with me… I would understand. I mean, if you wanted to go back to being friends...”  
“Huh? Hikkun, being in love with you wasn’t a decision. It’s not like I can just turn off my feelings for you. Could you?”  
“No, never!”  
“See? And maybe I can fix that broken part of yours.”  
“What if you can’t?”   
“Let me show you something.” Howl rolled up the sleeve of his sweater. “See this watch? It’s a gift from my father. He gave it to me on my birthday, a week before he and my mom died. It hasn’t been working for 10 years now, but I still wear it every single day.”  
“Why didn’t you get it fixed?”  
“Because it doesn’t matter if it’s broken, it still holds the same sentimental value to me. It’s fine how it is, broken or not because just looking at it makes me happy.” Howl then looked deep into Hiki’s eyes and smiled lovingly.   
Hiki’s heart skipped as the analogy clicked in his head. “Thank you for accepting me,” he huffed and snuggled up against his lover who embraced him tenderly.   
“No need to thank me, it’s so easy to love you. I wish you could see yourself through my eyes,” Howl mumbled, and then they just remained like that for a while, in silence, enjoying each other’s company.   



End file.
